Gary came over again yesterday. He brought me coffee and food which is def a start to his niceness...then we talked and he told me how ashamed he is for everything. How he has tried to be with someone else and has broken up with her 5 or 6 times cause she isnt me...He told me how if I will have him, he feels like he was made to be my husband. We talked alot, funny I cant remember to blog it...but he told me he screwed up a few holidays but he promise, if I let him, he wont again. He told me he thought i would never ever forgive him. I told him that God has helped me.
We hung out all day and I digested this info...he then kissed me and that was all I remember...but it did have to do with him picking me up like in the movies...yes I have missed that...all I could think of that moment and this am as I sit her scared he wont want to come home...is even I only have that moment then I am so thankful..because all MY needs were met...For the first time in 3 months I didnt feel alone...He left to go to his moms to stay and about 15 minutes later he text me that he didnt have a key and to let him in...so I did. and I barely slept, I kept waking up and looking over to see him there....
I dont mean to smother him and I dont want to because he might not be able to breath but I dont know how else to do this...I go to my shrink today. He is gonna be like wtf?
btw, I told him that he isnt aloud to ever talk to that whore again. whore...whore...whore....ugggg
btw, Gary said that he was gonna give me everything in the divorce, let it default. He said he deserves to loose everything..
I prayed for this day but never ever thought God would give it to me...Um he does bigger miracles and yet I was worried...nice
I am the exception not the rule....
so three months today, my husband has already come home...it was like probation time..hahah
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
His hand is on me
I thought I would write about what has been going on, because many post say screw him and then i wanted to be friends...
k, back story. I am the most forgiving person. ever. It is one of my best qualities but one of the worstI have too. My Dad left my family and blamed us kids till the day he died that we didnt do what he wanted so he left, my dying mother with 3 kids on welfare. Awesome. Then on my mothers death bed she asked to see him to make amends and he refused to come because he said he had an picture in his head of my mom well that he wanted to remember her like...Then she died and 3 weeks later, he told me to get passed her death. I told him that it was only three weeks and to give me some time. So fast forward a few years, he asks me to come work for his aviation company. I do. I chose to forgive him even though he never apologized.
So Gary has screwed me sideways. I truly know he is broken. So I felt it was my job as an awesome person to help him when he comes to me and tells me that he wants to come home or sends me the below text. And no I didnt want him, but I knew that he was starting to be the Gary from before.....
So I sent him a cookie bouquet just to congradulate him, then I send him the name and # of my shrink...then he tells me this past saturday that he so wants to come home but for the right reasons, because he hates living at his moms...
Skip to less than 24 hrs later he tells me he is with the gem....
So basically I am always the bigger person but I cant and wont talk to him ever again accept when it applies for the divorce....I tried that friend thing but he isnt a great friend so Ill pass...
speaking of the divorce, i had to fix some stuff at the courthouse today and it has officially been filed...Happy Birthday to me! And some things happened to me today that makes me know that God's hand is on me.
still cant believe she has the ultimate tramp stamp...and visible in a bathing suit...classy. I feel like the girls on the bachelor..if he wants that then I am soooooooooooooooo not his type.
it took 2 1/2 months but I feel amazing..Ate some hamburger helper tonight which he hated....it was so yummo
k, back story. I am the most forgiving person. ever. It is one of my best qualities but one of the worstI have too. My Dad left my family and blamed us kids till the day he died that we didnt do what he wanted so he left, my dying mother with 3 kids on welfare. Awesome. Then on my mothers death bed she asked to see him to make amends and he refused to come because he said he had an picture in his head of my mom well that he wanted to remember her like...Then she died and 3 weeks later, he told me to get passed her death. I told him that it was only three weeks and to give me some time. So fast forward a few years, he asks me to come work for his aviation company. I do. I chose to forgive him even though he never apologized.
So Gary has screwed me sideways. I truly know he is broken. So I felt it was my job as an awesome person to help him when he comes to me and tells me that he wants to come home or sends me the below text. And no I didnt want him, but I knew that he was starting to be the Gary from before.....
So I sent him a cookie bouquet just to congradulate him, then I send him the name and # of my shrink...then he tells me this past saturday that he so wants to come home but for the right reasons, because he hates living at his moms...
Skip to less than 24 hrs later he tells me he is with the gem....
So basically I am always the bigger person but I cant and wont talk to him ever again accept when it applies for the divorce....I tried that friend thing but he isnt a great friend so Ill pass...
speaking of the divorce, i had to fix some stuff at the courthouse today and it has officially been filed...Happy Birthday to me! And some things happened to me today that makes me know that God's hand is on me.
still cant believe she has the ultimate tramp stamp...and visible in a bathing suit...classy. I feel like the girls on the bachelor..if he wants that then I am soooooooooooooooo not his type.
it took 2 1/2 months but I feel amazing..Ate some hamburger helper tonight which he hated....it was so yummo
Sunday, March 20, 2011
She is a gem
I had an overwhelming feeling that Gary wasn't soul searching, he was searching to not be alone. So I call him this am and asked him if he and Jen were back together. He said yes. I said, Have a nice life and hung up.
Thats all I needed to hear. I was trying to be the bigger/nicer person to his face. But he isnt soul searching/trying so no thanks...
I hope to never ever see him again. ever
And to top that amazing feeling of freedom, I find out that this gem has a tattoo on top of her lady parts, that shows in a bikini, that says, Tease me, please me. And no she isnt a Scorpion from the 80's fan...
What a gem....
can i get a loud ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Thats all I needed to hear. I was trying to be the bigger/nicer person to his face. But he isnt soul searching/trying so no thanks...
I hope to never ever see him again. ever
And to top that amazing feeling of freedom, I find out that this gem has a tattoo on top of her lady parts, that shows in a bikini, that says, Tease me, please me. And no she isnt a Scorpion from the 80's fan...
What a gem....
can i get a loud ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Saturday, March 19, 2011
What have you done for me?
In the last week, Gary has broke up with girlfriend, come by and then text that he is so ashamed of his decisions. That his life sucks and he is getting a divorce he doesn't want. This proves to me how much he is broken. And yes I feel bad that he is so confused and I want him to be unconfused. But I dont want him to come back to me. Once he gets the papers, I dont think he will want to.
He was honored at work for 15 yrs of service. I sent him a cookie bouquet. I knew he could do it.....
We talked the other day and he is sooo confused and I told him that I just want him to know what he wants....
IF he comes to me and says that he knows that he wants to be home, Ill tell him I dont blame him. Not to sound cocky, but who wouldnt want to be on my team? I put everyone first, I am a cute girl, and being put through the test of time, I am still nice/the bigger person in all this. But Ill say, Why should I want you on my team? What have you done for me or what can you do for me? Chances are he will repull away. And thats ok, because in 3 months that I have been alone, I have thrived. I can rock this on my own. I have so many friends, and boys calling, and my business is about to explode....So for the first time in my life it will stay about me....
I truly want him to smile again, but being apart makes me realize that I only smiled when I did things to make him smile...I did everything for him and then I would resent that I always felt what about me? and you teach people how to treat you so no more...I want to make the man I am with a better person but he has to want to make me a better person too and I dont feel like that was the case with Gary and I.
He was honored at work for 15 yrs of service. I sent him a cookie bouquet. I knew he could do it.....
We talked the other day and he is sooo confused and I told him that I just want him to know what he wants....
IF he comes to me and says that he knows that he wants to be home, Ill tell him I dont blame him. Not to sound cocky, but who wouldnt want to be on my team? I put everyone first, I am a cute girl, and being put through the test of time, I am still nice/the bigger person in all this. But Ill say, Why should I want you on my team? What have you done for me or what can you do for me? Chances are he will repull away. And thats ok, because in 3 months that I have been alone, I have thrived. I can rock this on my own. I have so many friends, and boys calling, and my business is about to explode....So for the first time in my life it will stay about me....
I truly want him to smile again, but being apart makes me realize that I only smiled when I did things to make him smile...I did everything for him and then I would resent that I always felt what about me? and you teach people how to treat you so no more...I want to make the man I am with a better person but he has to want to make me a better person too and I dont feel like that was the case with Gary and I.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I finally got to use it
Today Gary came by to talk. I asked him the other day to meet up cause our texting and emails were getting out of hand and bringing out my ugly side and that is not who I am.....
So basically he told me he doesnt want to come home right now but maybe that would change. I told him this was good because I had already filed for divorce. He seemed suprised. I told him, I didnt mean to be mean but I dont want him anymore. He then proceeded to tell me that he has broke up with his girlfriend and that he was sick over us. I told him that I do access to his emails and have seen the emails to the girl calling her baby and music videos and all...so he wants to cry they are broken up but he is still worken that...I said, no thanks.
We talked about our marraige and how he says he didnt want to get married, how he isnt the marrying type. But he doesnt regret it, He loved all of it and he is sorry it didnt last forever. I laughed and told him that I felt like a fool because I believed him...I wanted to say, your girl thinks you have such an amazing connection because you moved so fast with her...um did you tell her we BOUGHT a house together 4 months after dating...If it was up to him, I would of lived with him from day one. I think he emptied a drawer out for me on day 7 when I slept there. So he moves very fast, and I, like her, believed it was because he loved me so much...then 8 years later, bam...so sorry for her ignorance.
I told him that I knew he had an affair. He didnt deny this at all. He tells people that we were having major issues and wernt intimate for months..um, this isnt true. at all.
He also told me that when he said he would always care for me, he wasnt lying. He said he will always take care of me. This sucks cause I want to believe him but if him and the awesome girl work out, she wont allow him to talk to me much less see me. So I have to assume he means well, but the girl will win.
Then after he told me that we would always be friends, he then asked me not to come to softball. I told him that those people have been my friends for 8 years and I wont stop going. He then tells me he will quit ( which btw I think this is for the girl too) Wait, didnt u just say you want to be friends and then you tell me this? huh?
Then he says we need to talk about bills. I tell him, this is were you wont want to be my friend anymore. He says thats not true. I say, Im gonna say things you dont wanna hear. He says what are we gonna do about the mortgage? I say, um Im only on the deed, not the mortgage so you cant short sale or rent with me here and without my approval and Ill quick deed the house over to you when the divorce is final. He says, whos gonna pay the mortgage until then? I said, You should call Harry Potter. He is like who the F%$# is Harry Potter, I said a magician. He got up and stormed out and told me he doesnt appreciate me laughing and smiling when we are talking about something so serious. He is like, this is why I left you.
um, do I feel bad. No....I want to say, you chose this life and that I have waited weeks to use the Harry Potter line.
So basically he told me he doesnt want to come home right now but maybe that would change. I told him this was good because I had already filed for divorce. He seemed suprised. I told him, I didnt mean to be mean but I dont want him anymore. He then proceeded to tell me that he has broke up with his girlfriend and that he was sick over us. I told him that I do access to his emails and have seen the emails to the girl calling her baby and music videos and all...so he wants to cry they are broken up but he is still worken that...I said, no thanks.
We talked about our marraige and how he says he didnt want to get married, how he isnt the marrying type. But he doesnt regret it, He loved all of it and he is sorry it didnt last forever. I laughed and told him that I felt like a fool because I believed him...I wanted to say, your girl thinks you have such an amazing connection because you moved so fast with her...um did you tell her we BOUGHT a house together 4 months after dating...If it was up to him, I would of lived with him from day one. I think he emptied a drawer out for me on day 7 when I slept there. So he moves very fast, and I, like her, believed it was because he loved me so much...then 8 years later, bam...so sorry for her ignorance.
I told him that I knew he had an affair. He didnt deny this at all. He tells people that we were having major issues and wernt intimate for months..um, this isnt true. at all.
He also told me that when he said he would always care for me, he wasnt lying. He said he will always take care of me. This sucks cause I want to believe him but if him and the awesome girl work out, she wont allow him to talk to me much less see me. So I have to assume he means well, but the girl will win.
Then after he told me that we would always be friends, he then asked me not to come to softball. I told him that those people have been my friends for 8 years and I wont stop going. He then tells me he will quit ( which btw I think this is for the girl too) Wait, didnt u just say you want to be friends and then you tell me this? huh?
Then he says we need to talk about bills. I tell him, this is were you wont want to be my friend anymore. He says thats not true. I say, Im gonna say things you dont wanna hear. He says what are we gonna do about the mortgage? I say, um Im only on the deed, not the mortgage so you cant short sale or rent with me here and without my approval and Ill quick deed the house over to you when the divorce is final. He says, whos gonna pay the mortgage until then? I said, You should call Harry Potter. He is like who the F%$# is Harry Potter, I said a magician. He got up and stormed out and told me he doesnt appreciate me laughing and smiling when we are talking about something so serious. He is like, this is why I left you.
um, do I feel bad. No....I want to say, you chose this life and that I have waited weeks to use the Harry Potter line.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I finally got to use it
Today Gary came by to talk. I asked him the other day to meet up cause our texting and emails were getting out of hand and bringing out my ugly side and that is not who I am.....
So basically he told me he doesnt want to come home right now but maybe that would change. I told him this was good because I had already filed for divorce. He seemed suprised. I told him, I didnt mean to be mean but I dont want him anymore. He then proceeded to tell me that he has broke up with his girlfriend and that he was sick over this. I told him that I do access to his emails and have seen the emails to the girl calling her baby and music videos and all...so he wants to cry they are broken up but he is still worken that...I said, no thanks.
We talked about our marraige and how he has no
So basically he told me he doesnt want to come home right now but maybe that would change. I told him this was good because I had already filed for divorce. He seemed suprised. I told him, I didnt mean to be mean but I dont want him anymore. He then proceeded to tell me that he has broke up with his girlfriend and that he was sick over this. I told him that I do access to his emails and have seen the emails to the girl calling her baby and music videos and all...so he wants to cry they are broken up but he is still worken that...I said, no thanks.
We talked about our marraige and how he has no
Sunday, March 13, 2011
A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her. ~David Brinkley
So ALOT has happened since my last post...so Ill try and make a long story even longer.
Basically, I have a childhood friend that has walked me through all this mess and she has been the girl that wanted things to work out with Gary and I, but when I called her a week ago and told her that I had the peace to file papers she was happy. She is the one that prays with me daily, she is also a private investigator. She sees this kind of thing alot and sees the women light their mens crap on fire and all. Anyway, she emailed Gary and cc'ed his mistress. Then the girl wrote me, I then forwarded the email to Gary and told him to put his dog on a leash...In my head that was better than me sending her the emails that I had written to her because they were very harsh and very mean....Well he forwarded that to his girl and she wrote me a very mean email.I then wrote her an email that in my head is very nice but to the point. I explained that I have other emails, but she just doesnt get that from me. I have chosen, no response to her.That lite some fire under Gary ass and he broke up with the girl but is now begging her back.... He defended her and text me that I was wrong and that my friend emailing him and me and CCing his girl was making him not like me..
I wanted to say, so the last 3 months is what I get if you like me? lucky me! But I tried to be the bigger person and called to arrange a meeting with him and he said yes and would contact me to set one up..its been a few days so I dont think that will happen....
I love him but I am so not in love with him anymore....that is so sad to type but its true. I wanted to be friends but now all I can say to that is No Thankyou.
Basically, I have a childhood friend that has walked me through all this mess and she has been the girl that wanted things to work out with Gary and I, but when I called her a week ago and told her that I had the peace to file papers she was happy. She is the one that prays with me daily, she is also a private investigator. She sees this kind of thing alot and sees the women light their mens crap on fire and all. Anyway, she emailed Gary and cc'ed his mistress. Then the girl wrote me, I then forwarded the email to Gary and told him to put his dog on a leash...In my head that was better than me sending her the emails that I had written to her because they were very harsh and very mean....Well he forwarded that to his girl and she wrote me a very mean email.I then wrote her an email that in my head is very nice but to the point. I explained that I have other emails, but she just doesnt get that from me. I have chosen, no response to her.That lite some fire under Gary ass and he broke up with the girl but is now begging her back.... He defended her and text me that I was wrong and that my friend emailing him and me and CCing his girl was making him not like me..
I wanted to say, so the last 3 months is what I get if you like me? lucky me! But I tried to be the bigger person and called to arrange a meeting with him and he said yes and would contact me to set one up..its been a few days so I dont think that will happen....
I love him but I am so not in love with him anymore....that is so sad to type but its true. I wanted to be friends but now all I can say to that is No Thankyou.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
i make my fairytale
I wanted to tell you that I am having alot of BAC time..."Bad ass Cass" but there has been ALOT of tears and confusion and weightloss that seems to have gotten me here.
I keep telling myself that my body is temple...and I need to treat it better than I have...so no more sadness, no more not eating. I am the only one who can rock me and so guess what? I am.
Before I was waiting on my husbands response to me to decide my mood....Now, no more. IF he wakes up tomorrow and says, crap, what have I done..then that happens but I am no longer waiting for that or him to be nice to me. He is gonna be real angry when he sees the divorce papers, but oh well. I was angry when he cheated and lied. So oh well...and seeing the new movie "Love and other drugs" makes me want a better life cause seeing that and it being a script from my life, makes me want more. I want a partner that supports me in my illness, my photography, my walk with God...and Gary did none of those.
I will keep praying for his salvation. But I dont want that anymore. I want someone who adores me like I adored Gary. I wont lie that I am sad that I did that for 8 years and the rejection sucks, but I have and am growing from it and want more so I have to realize that its ok....
please keep praying that I stay strong...
I keep telling myself that my body is temple...and I need to treat it better than I have...so no more sadness, no more not eating. I am the only one who can rock me and so guess what? I am.
Before I was waiting on my husbands response to me to decide my mood....Now, no more. IF he wakes up tomorrow and says, crap, what have I done..then that happens but I am no longer waiting for that or him to be nice to me. He is gonna be real angry when he sees the divorce papers, but oh well. I was angry when he cheated and lied. So oh well...and seeing the new movie "Love and other drugs" makes me want a better life cause seeing that and it being a script from my life, makes me want more. I want a partner that supports me in my illness, my photography, my walk with God...and Gary did none of those.
I will keep praying for his salvation. But I dont want that anymore. I want someone who adores me like I adored Gary. I wont lie that I am sad that I did that for 8 years and the rejection sucks, but I have and am growing from it and want more so I have to realize that its ok....
please keep praying that I stay strong...
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
So today I get a date with my cousin. I have had to reschedule like 4526325 times. I went to Vegas, and I am sad that its so hard to upload pics to here...any suggestions?
I had the best time in Vegas, was very motivated. I was super sick too....but i rocked it. I got several text from Gary while I was there...he was very friendly and told me he still cared about me and to spend whatever money I wanted...he wanted me to be happy...So i got home and stopped returning his text and stopped all communication with him. I took the remaining stuff of his and his mail to his moms. Its just to hard. I am getting stronger not to be sucked back in to his charm.
Then I find out yesterday from him, that he went to Ga to clear his head. He is unsure if he has done the right thing with us. He is staying at his brothers. I asked him if I could get our dog and he said yes. So I am today and Ill see him when he gets home, I guess.
No I dont think he is coming back to me. I think he is soul searching. This is what I wanted him to do from the get go. He was selling himself and anygirl short and screwed me sideways ...so I hope he finds his smile...
And if he came back today saying, Im so sorry and I love you...no I wouldnt take the broken guy back. I do have major empathy for him because I went through the roughness with multiple IVF's too, but he has to learn how to deal with issues and not bail.
on a funny note...he girl toy thinks that he isnt married...so I guess if you take off your ring and hump someone else, your not married...just fyi, next time you go out...what is that the new version of the zip code rule? hahhaahhaah
she is a gem.
he is too.....
I had the best time in Vegas, was very motivated. I was super sick too....but i rocked it. I got several text from Gary while I was there...he was very friendly and told me he still cared about me and to spend whatever money I wanted...he wanted me to be happy...So i got home and stopped returning his text and stopped all communication with him. I took the remaining stuff of his and his mail to his moms. Its just to hard. I am getting stronger not to be sucked back in to his charm.
Then I find out yesterday from him, that he went to Ga to clear his head. He is unsure if he has done the right thing with us. He is staying at his brothers. I asked him if I could get our dog and he said yes. So I am today and Ill see him when he gets home, I guess.
No I dont think he is coming back to me. I think he is soul searching. This is what I wanted him to do from the get go. He was selling himself and anygirl short and screwed me sideways ...so I hope he finds his smile...
And if he came back today saying, Im so sorry and I love you...no I wouldnt take the broken guy back. I do have major empathy for him because I went through the roughness with multiple IVF's too, but he has to learn how to deal with issues and not bail.
on a funny note...he girl toy thinks that he isnt married...so I guess if you take off your ring and hump someone else, your not married...just fyi, next time you go out...what is that the new version of the zip code rule? hahhaahhaah
she is a gem.
he is too.....
Friday, February 18, 2011
too late
I have been super sick. I guess the not eating for 6 weeks and sleeping occasionally has finally caught up with me....So one Zpac later and some cough syrup with codene, Ill rock this too....
Tonight I am having game night at my house. Pizza, beer and lots and lots of friends and I know this night will rock....Then on Sunday I go to Vegas for a confrence and some fun..I cant wait.
The longer I am separated the more I like it. I like that I found myself. I love that I feel strong without him. I look at all the things I gave up for him, like my mushyness and romanticness that I am glad I have found again. One time I got a hotel suite and put roses and candles in it and had him meet me for dinner and had the waitress give him the room key with a card to come up to the room to meet me, and he didnt love it. He was embarrassed...WHAT? So yes I will find someone that loves the way I love him...I have more stories like that that he didnt like....Yes I put posterbaords on the highway for him for Vday...and once again he didnt love...so no thank you is how I feel. Have fun with your new girl, cause I love me and I am having fun.
There is an Eminem song that describes how I feel to a T...It has alot of curse words but its where I am...like woah vulgur but so perfect
Tonight I am having game night at my house. Pizza, beer and lots and lots of friends and I know this night will rock....Then on Sunday I go to Vegas for a confrence and some fun..I cant wait.
The longer I am separated the more I like it. I like that I found myself. I love that I feel strong without him. I look at all the things I gave up for him, like my mushyness and romanticness that I am glad I have found again. One time I got a hotel suite and put roses and candles in it and had him meet me for dinner and had the waitress give him the room key with a card to come up to the room to meet me, and he didnt love it. He was embarrassed...WHAT? So yes I will find someone that loves the way I love him...I have more stories like that that he didnt like....Yes I put posterbaords on the highway for him for Vday...and once again he didnt love...so no thank you is how I feel. Have fun with your new girl, cause I love me and I am having fun.
There is an Eminem song that describes how I feel to a T...It has alot of curse words but its where I am...like woah vulgur but so perfect
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Harry Potter
I talk to my amazing husband the other day when he got his bonus and he told me what bills to pay...We talked about all the bills to pay and he said do it..I asked him if he wanted to wait to pay the mortgage till Tuesday and he said no. So I paid the bills. That leaves a few dollars in our account. He text me last night that he needs money now, there is zero in the bank....I didnt text him back.
But I wanted to ask him...
Do you think I am Harry Potter?
or
tell me where you are so I can leave my date and do dishes so they will let you and your girl leave.
or
Do you want me to get paid for sex?
Im confused..he is a smart boy so I thought, he can add and subtract and I told him what bills...how is it my fault that we have no money? How is it fair that my husband leaves me with $5.00 to buy toothpast, toilet paper, tampons...How is this fair?
I wont lie, it used to make me so upset...now I laugh.
I think he thinks he is on the show the bachelor...and any girl is gonna fall in love with you if your only job is to wine and dine her with unlimited money...but have her rob Peter to pay Paul for a few weeks and see you overdraft and watch her knight and shining armor fall. I loved him wholly, faults and all...she is only seeing his good side right now....I hope she still loves him when he stops lying her.
btw, my brother told me something weeks ago and I couldnt wrap my mind around it...He said, just because he and her are perfect and last forever doesnt make you any less of an awesome person...it just means he isnt for you...I finally feel this way. I know that I am pretty awesome and I feel bad for him now. So I pray that God heals his heart because he is so broke....
btw, I stopped posting cause I thought no one wants to know my drama, but someone said they are being helped by me and it helps me to know that this awful pain is helping someone through their aweful pain
But I wanted to ask him...
Do you think I am Harry Potter?
or
tell me where you are so I can leave my date and do dishes so they will let you and your girl leave.
or
Do you want me to get paid for sex?
Im confused..he is a smart boy so I thought, he can add and subtract and I told him what bills...how is it my fault that we have no money? How is it fair that my husband leaves me with $5.00 to buy toothpast, toilet paper, tampons...How is this fair?
I wont lie, it used to make me so upset...now I laugh.
I think he thinks he is on the show the bachelor...and any girl is gonna fall in love with you if your only job is to wine and dine her with unlimited money...but have her rob Peter to pay Paul for a few weeks and see you overdraft and watch her knight and shining armor fall. I loved him wholly, faults and all...she is only seeing his good side right now....I hope she still loves him when he stops lying her.
btw, my brother told me something weeks ago and I couldnt wrap my mind around it...He said, just because he and her are perfect and last forever doesnt make you any less of an awesome person...it just means he isnt for you...I finally feel this way. I know that I am pretty awesome and I feel bad for him now. So I pray that God heals his heart because he is so broke....
btw, I stopped posting cause I thought no one wants to know my drama, but someone said they are being helped by me and it helps me to know that this awful pain is helping someone through their aweful pain
Friday, February 11, 2011
What goes around.....
I am at such a better place...I would be better if my husband would serve me with papers, or get his stuff out of our house, stop overdrawing our acct with all his fun, misc spending with his mistress, or tell people he is no longer with me and with a new girl...especially at his work.
I truly dont understand what he tells himself what I have possibly done to deserve this...not just cheating on me but all the crap since....seriously. I thought I was smart but I dont get it at all.....
He has told his mistress that he has waited his whole life for her...I think he needs a new line cause he used the same one on me 8 years ago....but she believes that she is the one...so did I...so good luck.
I am going out alot and having fun. This is the beginning, not the end.
I truly dont understand what he tells himself what I have possibly done to deserve this...not just cheating on me but all the crap since....seriously. I thought I was smart but I dont get it at all.....
He has told his mistress that he has waited his whole life for her...I think he needs a new line cause he used the same one on me 8 years ago....but she believes that she is the one...so did I...so good luck.
I am going out alot and having fun. This is the beginning, not the end.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Give it to me...
I have made a list of some of the things that I want in a mate/partner....Tony Robbins loves list and has made me do it ...cause we are BFF's..hahha
1. Love the Lord
2. tickles my back
3. tells me that I am beautiful and that he luvs me
4. if I get a nickname, it not be short for retarded
5. walks with me
6. cuddles on the couch to watch movies
7. plays board games with me
8. has a great career
10. loves me make me smile
11. funny like no other
12. loves his family
13. likes to save money
14. Looks in himself to see how he can be better and not blame everyone else
15. loves pictures/is a camera whore
These are must in the men that come into my life...
1. Love the Lord
2. tickles my back
3. tells me that I am beautiful and that he luvs me
4. if I get a nickname, it not be short for retarded
5. walks with me
6. cuddles on the couch to watch movies
7. plays board games with me
8. has a great career
10. loves me make me smile
11. funny like no other
12. loves his family
13. likes to save money
14. Looks in himself to see how he can be better and not blame everyone else
15. loves pictures/is a camera whore
These are must in the men that come into my life...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Stronger
I am way stronger today than I have been. I saw him yesterday and I was just kinda grossed out. He got mad that I put his stuff in bags and put them in the front room. He took my dog because he was so pissed..um, you have been shacking up with your girlfriend for over 3 weeks and I wrong for taking ur stuff out of the dresser and put it in bags? How am I the jerk here? BTW I didnt put his stuff in boxes because no one knows at his work and so I didnt want to go in there and ask for boxes for him and they ask me why? And yes, they ask me where he is all the time...so thats how I know they dont know...
I cant believe how self centered he is being. Its never whats best for me...like OMG Cass I am so happy and proud that the house looks amazing or I am so happy that you redid the bathroom...instead its u should have bought groceries instead of decor...um you buy dinner for you and your girlfriend everynight out of OUR joint account. Wine and all...yes I have reciepts...
I just dont get it....
so yes I am stronger today than ever....
I cant believe how self centered he is being. Its never whats best for me...like OMG Cass I am so happy and proud that the house looks amazing or I am so happy that you redid the bathroom...instead its u should have bought groceries instead of decor...um you buy dinner for you and your girlfriend everynight out of OUR joint account. Wine and all...yes I have reciepts...
I just dont get it....
so yes I am stronger today than ever....
Friday, January 21, 2011
I know I can...
So today I have a photoshoot with my niece, after that I am gonna bask in the sun with a really good friend, then I have dinner at one of the in laws house...I have my nephews bday gift and Im gonna ask to borrow their steam cleaner....
I am getting stronger. No I havnt talked to him. I am moving on. I went yesterday and bought stuff to redo my bathroom. My friends are comning over thursday to help me paint and decorate.
I am a postive person..I refuse to let this get me down. I wrote this on my FB years ago and it still apllies...
My Mom taught me one thing before she went off to the heaven above: Live a full, happy life...dont ever settle....EVER.....Dont waist time on the small crap....took me years to figure it out...now I realize how true that is...So when you feel sad...fix it....if you cant...get past it....the time will come when you will smile again...believe in love....Life can be a fairytale....I have the one I wrote and star in.....Always look at the blessings in your life....your family, friends and the loves.....I look at mine and feel truly blessed.
During this amazing hard time, my friends have rallied and have given me love I didnt even know I had....so yes, my husband might have moved on but I have 4455212554 friends that have shown up and makes me feel so lucky....
please continue to pray.
I am getting stronger. No I havnt talked to him. I am moving on. I went yesterday and bought stuff to redo my bathroom. My friends are comning over thursday to help me paint and decorate.
I am a postive person..I refuse to let this get me down. I wrote this on my FB years ago and it still apllies...
My Mom taught me one thing before she went off to the heaven above: Live a full, happy life...dont ever settle....EVER.....Dont waist time on the small crap....took me years to figure it out...now I realize how true that is...So when you feel sad...fix it....if you cant...get past it....the time will come when you will smile again...believe in love....Life can be a fairytale....I have the one I wrote and star in.....Always look at the blessings in your life....your family, friends and the loves.....I look at mine and feel truly blessed.
During this amazing hard time, my friends have rallied and have given me love I didnt even know I had....so yes, my husband might have moved on but I have 4455212554 friends that have shown up and makes me feel so lucky....
please continue to pray.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
What to do?
So today I sit here and I am genuinely torn. I dont know which way to go. I found out yesterday that he has been talking/chatting hitting on this girl since Dec 7thish. I got home and found a receipt where he bought food to make her dinner, along with wine and cheesecake- the day I flew out to Texas..um huh? Now I understand why he was so done. I suspected this but I have proof. She said that he came on to her alot and whe finally gave in cause they really care about each other....No I havent and wont speak to her but she told a friend of ours. I am unset with her but Gary told her over and over that he was so unhappy in our marriage for 6 months.
He started finally calling me just yesterday. I cant speak to him. I dont know if I say anything or do I just stay quiet? Do I focus on trying to get past this and see his hurt because when he is good he is amazing...or do I walk away?
I tell myself all day..Cass this is who he is and and much as this is him, you are you...and you need someone in your life that complements you and tell you they adore and love you. Im just sad because forever he was that too me. He was soooooooooooo romantic. He texted me and called and professed his love and told me how hot I was always. He would buy my flowers for no reason and then they stopped coming like a few years into our marraige but my dad got cancer so I figured it was just a bad time but he has slipped from me...and Im so broken. He told people that Im the one that pushed him away. That I wanted out. I am the one that was going to do this to him and he just did it first. This is what makes me torn. Cause I would have never ever left him. But now he has a girlfriend that he is intimate with for almost a month...so do I say no thank you or not?
and yes I am very b disappointed the girl but more so in him.
He started finally calling me just yesterday. I cant speak to him. I dont know if I say anything or do I just stay quiet? Do I focus on trying to get past this and see his hurt because when he is good he is amazing...or do I walk away?
I tell myself all day..Cass this is who he is and and much as this is him, you are you...and you need someone in your life that complements you and tell you they adore and love you. Im just sad because forever he was that too me. He was soooooooooooo romantic. He texted me and called and professed his love and told me how hot I was always. He would buy my flowers for no reason and then they stopped coming like a few years into our marraige but my dad got cancer so I figured it was just a bad time but he has slipped from me...and Im so broken. He told people that Im the one that pushed him away. That I wanted out. I am the one that was going to do this to him and he just did it first. This is what makes me torn. Cause I would have never ever left him. But now he has a girlfriend that he is intimate with for almost a month...so do I say no thank you or not?
and yes I am very b disappointed the girl but more so in him.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
A little bit Stronger
This is soooo how I feel right now...I hope everyday to get stronger
A Little Bit Stronger lyrics
Songwriters: Barker Aaron Gayle; Harbin Ronald Steven;
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
A Little Bit Stronger lyrics
Songwriters: Barker Aaron Gayle; Harbin Ronald Steven;
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
today is a new day
I wish I was feeling as strong as last night but Im not, BUT I am not crying like crazy right now. The girl is someone we both know and he went to her to buy my coach purse and flirted and she returned and bam he broke up with me for her. He thinks he did nothing wrong cause he says he didnt do anything sexually till we broke up but we all no that is not right.
I am broken. When he promised to loved me forever, I believed him. His vows wernt, I will until she isnt bubbly for 6 months, I will until she wears sweats everyday...Now yes I see were I can be better but I went through 4 IVF's, gained 30lbs, fit into no clothes and have the sickness that my mom died from and have symptoms...not a great combo and then for my husband to leave me is like huh?
I havent heard from him except to tell me he has a girlfriend and who...so I emailed him yesterday asking who deserves this? I get that we are broke beyond repair, and IU get you have moved on, what I dont get it no communication but his mom calling me to get info to give him...like I told him I would have my atty call him and he had her call me to ask me to not get an atty, that she wants to be the meteator. No she isnt biased at all..and I felt so hurt, like did she call me for me, or did she call me for him....so I eamiled him and I got this back....
I'm sorry I have not communicated with you better and I'm sorry it ended like this but I fell out of love with you. Please believe that I wanted to make this work and maybe we didn't give it or I didn't give it everything I got but it was to late with me. I didn't call mom and tell her to call you to say don't get attorney I told.mom that u were getting one from our phone conversation the other night. No one deserves this but it was just a matter of time before this was over i was no longer happy in this marriage and I'm sorry for that.
And as much as it hurts, I know now how to move on....I dont want a life partner that bails when I am sad..and I do have SCA type 1 so I dont want someone to bail IF I get worst. IVF was so hard in so many ways...and those that went through them know....its soooo hard. I have so many things that I was unhappy with my marriage but I chalked it up to these things are in every marriage....but like my brother said, even if he called you right now and said lets try, there is so many things that would have to change.....
So I will go home and spring clean my house and take care of me and know that I will never have to cry to someone else and say...what about me?
I am broken. When he promised to loved me forever, I believed him. His vows wernt, I will until she isnt bubbly for 6 months, I will until she wears sweats everyday...Now yes I see were I can be better but I went through 4 IVF's, gained 30lbs, fit into no clothes and have the sickness that my mom died from and have symptoms...not a great combo and then for my husband to leave me is like huh?
I havent heard from him except to tell me he has a girlfriend and who...so I emailed him yesterday asking who deserves this? I get that we are broke beyond repair, and IU get you have moved on, what I dont get it no communication but his mom calling me to get info to give him...like I told him I would have my atty call him and he had her call me to ask me to not get an atty, that she wants to be the meteator. No she isnt biased at all..and I felt so hurt, like did she call me for me, or did she call me for him....so I eamiled him and I got this back....
I'm sorry I have not communicated with you better and I'm sorry it ended like this but I fell out of love with you. Please believe that I wanted to make this work and maybe we didn't give it or I didn't give it everything I got but it was to late with me. I didn't call mom and tell her to call you to say don't get attorney I told.mom that u were getting one from our phone conversation the other night. No one deserves this but it was just a matter of time before this was over i was no longer happy in this marriage and I'm sorry for that.
And as much as it hurts, I know now how to move on....I dont want a life partner that bails when I am sad..and I do have SCA type 1 so I dont want someone to bail IF I get worst. IVF was so hard in so many ways...and those that went through them know....its soooo hard. I have so many things that I was unhappy with my marriage but I chalked it up to these things are in every marriage....but like my brother said, even if he called you right now and said lets try, there is so many things that would have to change.....
So I will go home and spring clean my house and take care of me and know that I will never have to cry to someone else and say...what about me?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I think I can, I think I can I know I can.....
This is a post I never ever thought I would write....
Gary aka as my old Lovey has a girlfriend...yes we took time apart less than 2 weeks ago. His Mom told me to hold out to move on..but she forgot to tell her son to do the same.
I am done. I am sad my marriage is over. I thought our vows were till death but obviously that only applied to me.
I will find the positive in this. It may take some time, but I will.
I told him on the phone that I dont know how to argue with him anymore cause he isnt the Lovey I know.
Yes the girl is someone we know.
Gary aka as my old Lovey has a girlfriend...yes we took time apart less than 2 weeks ago. His Mom told me to hold out to move on..but she forgot to tell her son to do the same.
I am done. I am sad my marriage is over. I thought our vows were till death but obviously that only applied to me.
I will find the positive in this. It may take some time, but I will.
I told him on the phone that I dont know how to argue with him anymore cause he isnt the Lovey I know.
Yes the girl is someone we know.
Friday, January 7, 2011
pray
so some of you have seen from my facebook that Lovey and I have split. Yes its true. I have definetly gone through all the emotion from crying so hard i was puking to thinking that he is a jerk for doing this to me.
He says we grown apart and that he doesnt love me. No, there were no signs. I didnt see it coming but he said he is tired of faking it, which I wont lie hurts so much. I didnt know we were faking it. I adore him. But I can justify his actions all day of why he is doing this but the bottom line, is he did. And for a week I was broken hoping he would wake up one day and be like, what have I done? but he hasnt.
My Jess told me the other day that I have to truly believe this is where I see one set of prints in the sand because God will carry me through.
Now I have ALOT of insecurities but my friend told me something so profound last night....you have survived the worst of it and look you still woke up and are here. This is the beginning, not the end.
So I will take this time to see a Christian Counselor and find my happy place again. Because as much I say that the past two years have been hard for Lovey, it been so hard for me and I can't fix him. Between my Dad getting Cancer and dying and then his wife firing us 3 weeks later and then dealing my brokeness of my brother, and the 4 IVF's and the getting pregnant and miscarrying and then having the sickness that my mom died from..its alot...so I need to heal. I try and bury all of it because i think Im strong if I can but I am broken and to have a breakthrough you have to broken and I am.
So please pray for me.
I have an amazing family that adores me.
I have a best friend that has held me up when i couldnt even stand.
I have a Lord that loves me and wants me to prosper that I have let the devil tell me how he doesnt love me.
I have the cutest nieces and nephews that help me smile when all I want to do is cry.
My business has been blessed beyond words.
I have a friend that has given me 4521548 passes to fly on Southwest airlines for free
He says we grown apart and that he doesnt love me. No, there were no signs. I didnt see it coming but he said he is tired of faking it, which I wont lie hurts so much. I didnt know we were faking it. I adore him. But I can justify his actions all day of why he is doing this but the bottom line, is he did. And for a week I was broken hoping he would wake up one day and be like, what have I done? but he hasnt.
My Jess told me the other day that I have to truly believe this is where I see one set of prints in the sand because God will carry me through.
Now I have ALOT of insecurities but my friend told me something so profound last night....you have survived the worst of it and look you still woke up and are here. This is the beginning, not the end.
So I will take this time to see a Christian Counselor and find my happy place again. Because as much I say that the past two years have been hard for Lovey, it been so hard for me and I can't fix him. Between my Dad getting Cancer and dying and then his wife firing us 3 weeks later and then dealing my brokeness of my brother, and the 4 IVF's and the getting pregnant and miscarrying and then having the sickness that my mom died from..its alot...so I need to heal. I try and bury all of it because i think Im strong if I can but I am broken and to have a breakthrough you have to broken and I am.
So please pray for me.
I have an amazing family that adores me.
I have a best friend that has held me up when i couldnt even stand.
I have a Lord that loves me and wants me to prosper that I have let the devil tell me how he doesnt love me.
I have the cutest nieces and nephews that help me smile when all I want to do is cry.
My business has been blessed beyond words.
I have a friend that has given me 4521548 passes to fly on Southwest airlines for free
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