Stronger

I am way stronger today than I have been. I saw him yesterday and I was just kinda grossed out. He got mad that I put his stuff in bags and put them in the front room. He took my dog because he was so pissed..um, you have been shacking up with your girlfriend for over 3 weeks and I wrong for taking ur stuff out of the dresser and put it in bags? How am I the jerk here? BTW I didnt put his stuff in boxes because no one knows at his work and so I didnt want to go in there and ask for boxes for him and they ask me why? And yes, they ask me where he is all the time...so thats how I know they dont know...

I cant believe how self centered he is being. Its never whats best for me...like OMG Cass I am so happy and proud that the house looks amazing or I am so happy that you redid the bathroom...instead its u should have bought groceries instead of decor...um you buy dinner for you and your girlfriend everynight out of OUR joint account. Wine and all...yes I have reciepts...

I just dont get it....

so yes I am stronger today than ever....

lucky me

I woke up the last couple of days feeling so strong. The house is coming together. I can decorate like I have always wanted to now. I went to the movies yesterday with a REALLY good friend. It was perfect. Then my other friends made me dinner. The pull pork sandwiches where sooooo good. I have 4521254 appts this week so I love that. I get to see my pup tomorrow which I cant wait for. Gosh I miss her, and I hate to say it but my Spookie misses her play time with Daddy, so I hope he plays with her.

I look at pictures from a happier time in our lives and I miss that. I was hoping to get back to that, but I guess not. But I am and I will not settle when I find someone new. I refuse. I am thankful for this time in my life cause it has shaken me to my core and I am that happy girl again. I fit into all my skinny clothes which I love. My house looks amazing and I have been out everyday.

My life is good:) lucky me

I know I can...

So today I have a photoshoot with my niece, after that I am gonna bask in the sun with a really good friend, then I have dinner at one of the in laws house...I have my nephews bday gift and Im gonna ask to borrow their steam cleaner....

I am getting stronger. No I havnt talked to him. I am moving on. I went yesterday and bought stuff to redo my bathroom. My friends are comning over thursday to help me paint and decorate.

I am a postive person..I refuse to let this get me down. I wrote this on my FB years ago and it still apllies...
My Mom taught me one thing before she went off to the heaven above: Live a full, happy life...dont ever settle....EVER.....Dont waist time on the small crap....took me years to figure it out...now I realize how true that is...So when you feel sad...fix it....if you cant...get past it....the time will come when you will smile again...believe in love....Life can be a fairytale....I have the one I wrote and star in.....Always look at the blessings in your life....your family, friends and the loves.....I look at mine and feel truly blessed.

During this amazing hard time, my friends have rallied and have given me love I didnt even know I had....so yes, my husband might have moved on but I have 4455212554 friends that have shown up and makes me feel so lucky....

please continue to pray.

What to do?

So today I sit here and I am genuinely torn. I dont know which way to go. I found out yesterday that he has been talking/chatting hitting on this girl since Dec 7thish. I got home and found a receipt where he bought food to make her dinner, along with wine and cheesecake- the day I flew out to Texas..um huh? Now I understand why he was so done. I suspected this but I have proof. She said that he came on to her alot and whe finally gave in cause they really care about each other....No I havent and wont speak to her but she told a friend of ours. I am unset with her but Gary told her over and over that he was so unhappy in our marriage for 6 months.

He started finally calling me just yesterday. I cant speak to him. I dont know if I say anything or do I just stay quiet? Do I focus on trying to get past this and see his hurt because when he is good he is amazing...or do I walk away?

I tell myself all day..Cass this is who he is and and much as this is him, you are you...and you need someone in your life that complements you and tell you they adore and love you. Im just sad because forever he was that too me. He was soooooooooooo romantic. He texted me and called and professed his love and told me how hot I was always. He would buy my flowers for no reason and then they stopped coming like a few years into our marraige but my dad got cancer so I figured it was just a bad time but he has slipped from me...and Im so broken. He told people that Im the one that pushed him away. That I wanted out. I am the one that was going to do this to him and he just did it first. This is what makes me torn. Cause I would have never ever left him. But now he has a girlfriend that he is intimate with for almost a month...so do I say no thank you or not?

and yes I am very b disappointed the girl but more so in him.

My Texas family

I cant tell you how thankful I am for my family here. They have put up with A LOT...Crying and many talks to help me through this oh so difficult time. Having your brother tell you that you are soooo beautiful and that I wont be single long helps with 52125421 hugs helps me get through this better.

Here are some pics of me and my niece....my brother took them:)

A little bit Stronger

This is soooo how I feel right now...I hope everyday to get stronger



A Little Bit Stronger lyrics
Songwriters: Barker Aaron Gayle; Harbin Ronald Steven;



Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

today is a new day

I wish I was feeling as strong as last night but Im not, BUT I am not crying like crazy right now. The girl is someone we both know and he went to her to buy my coach purse and flirted and she returned and bam he broke up with me for her. He thinks he did nothing wrong cause he says he didnt do anything sexually till we broke up but we all no that is not right.
I am broken. When he promised to loved me forever, I believed him. His vows wernt, I will until she isnt bubbly for 6 months, I will until she wears sweats everyday...Now yes I see were I can be better but I went through 4 IVF's, gained 30lbs, fit into no clothes and have the sickness that my mom died from and have symptoms...so maybe I was mildy depressed.....not a great combo and then for my husband to leave me is like huh?

I havent heard from him except to tell me he has a girlfriend and who...so I emailed him yesterday asking who deserves this? I get that we are broke beyond repair, and I get you have moved on, what I don't get it no communication but his mom calling me to get info to give him...for instance, I told him I would have my atty call him. She told me he calls her daily to see if we have talked and if she has convinced me to not get an atty. And I felt so hurt again, like did she call me for me, or did she call me for him....so I eamiled him and I got this back....

I'm sorry I have not communicated with you better and I'm sorry it ended like this but I fell out of love with you. Please believe that I wanted to make this work and maybe we didn't give it or I didn't give it everything I got but it was to late with me. I didn't call mom and tell her to call you to say don't get attorney I told.mom that u were getting one from our phone conversation the other night. No one deserves this but it was just a matter of time before this was over i was no longer happy in this marriage and I'm sorry for that.

And as much as it hurts, I know now how to move on....I dont want a life partner that bails when I am sad..and I do have SCA type 1 so I dont want someone to bail IF I get worst. IVF was so hard in so many ways...and those that went through them know....its soooo hard. I have so many things that I was unhappy with my marriage but I chalked it up to these things are in every marriage....but like my brother said, even if he called you right now and said lets try, there is so many things that would have to change.....

So I will go home and spring clean my house and take care of me and know that I will never have to cry to someone else and say...what about me?

today is a new day

I wish I was feeling as strong as last night but Im not, BUT I am not crying like crazy right now. The girl is someone we both know and he went to her to buy my coach purse and flirted and she returned and bam he broke up with me for her. He thinks he did nothing wrong cause he says he didnt do anything sexually till we broke up but we all no that is not right.
I am broken. When he promised to loved me forever, I believed him. His vows wernt, I will until she isnt bubbly for 6 months, I will until she wears sweats everyday...Now yes I see were I can be better but I went through 4 IVF's, gained 30lbs, fit into no clothes and have the sickness that my mom died from and have symptoms...so maybe I was mildy depressed.....not a great combo and then for my husband to leave me is like huh?

I havent heard from him except to tell me he has a girlfriend and who...so I emailed him yesterday asking who deserves this? I get that we are broke beyond repair, and IU get you have moved on, what I dont get it no communication but his mom calling me to get info to give him...like I told him I would have my atty call him and he had her call me to ask me to not get an atty, that she wants to be the meteator. No she isnt biased at all..and I felt so hurt, like did she call me for me, or did she call me for him....so I eamiled him and I got this back....

I'm sorry I have not communicated with you better and I'm sorry it ended like this but I fell out of love with you. Please believe that I wanted to make this work and maybe we didn't give it or I didn't give it everything I got but it was to late with me. I didn't call mom and tell her to call you to say don't get attorney I told.mom that u were getting one from our phone conversation the other night. No one deserves this but it was just a matter of time before this was over i was no longer happy in this marriage and I'm sorry for that.

And as much as it hurts, I know now how to move on....I dont want a life partner that bails when I am sad..and I do have SCA type 1 so I dont want someone to bail IF I get worst. IVF was so hard in so many ways...and those that went through them know....its soooo hard. I have so many things that I was unhappy with my marriage but I chalked it up to these things are in every marriage....but like my brother said, even if he called you right now and said lets try, there is so many things that would have to change.....

So I will go home and spring clean my house and take care of me and know that I will never have to cry to someone else and say...what about me?

today is a new day

I wish I was feeling as strong as last night but Im not, BUT I am not crying like crazy right now. The girl is someone we both know and he went to her to buy my coach purse and flirted and she returned and bam he broke up with me for her. He thinks he did nothing wrong cause he says he didnt do anything sexually till we broke up but we all no that is not right.
I am broken. When he promised to loved me forever, I believed him. His vows wernt, I will until she isnt bubbly for 6 months, I will until she wears sweats everyday...Now yes I see were I can be better but I went through 4 IVF's, gained 30lbs, fit into no clothes and have the sickness that my mom died from and have symptoms...not a great combo and then for my husband to leave me is like huh?

I havent heard from him except to tell me he has a girlfriend and who...so I emailed him yesterday asking who deserves this? I get that we are broke beyond repair, and IU get you have moved on, what I dont get it no communication but his mom calling me to get info to give him...like I told him I would have my atty call him and he had her call me to ask me to not get an atty, that she wants to be the meteator. No she isnt biased at all..and I felt so hurt, like did she call me for me, or did she call me for him....so I eamiled him and I got this back....

I'm sorry I have not communicated with you better and I'm sorry it ended like this but I fell out of love with you. Please believe that I wanted to make this work and maybe we didn't give it or I didn't give it everything I got but it was to late with me. I didn't call mom and tell her to call you to say don't get attorney I told.mom that u were getting one from our phone conversation the other night. No one deserves this but it was just a matter of time before this was over i was no longer happy in this marriage and I'm sorry for that.

And as much as it hurts, I know now how to move on....I dont want a life partner that bails when I am sad..and I do have SCA type 1 so I dont want someone to bail IF I get worst. IVF was so hard in so many ways...and those that went through them know....its soooo hard. I have so many things that I was unhappy with my marriage but I chalked it up to these things are in every marriage....but like my brother said, even if he called you right now and said lets try, there is so many things that would have to change.....

So I will go home and spring clean my house and take care of me and know that I will never have to cry to someone else and say...what about me?

I think I can, I think I can I know I can.....

This is a post I never ever thought I would write....

Gary aka as my old Lovey has a girlfriend...yes we took time apart less than 2 weeks ago. His Mom told me to hold out to move on..but she forgot to tell her son to do the same.

I am done. I am sad my marriage is over. I thought our vows were till death but obviously that only applied to me.

I will find the positive in this. It may take some time, but I will.

I told him on the phone that I dont know how to argue with him anymore cause he isnt the Lovey I know.

Yes the girl is someone we know.

emotions

I swear I feel so wishy washy...yes I know its normal...but when Im crying and feeling so low and I just want to call/text Lovey...I know in a little bit I will feel stronger. And I woke up this am feeling stronger...Let hope this stays and the despair doesnt reappear...

i never ever thought this would be my life. ever

pray

so some of you have seen from my facebook that Lovey and I have split. Yes its true. I have definetly gone through all the emotion from crying so hard i was puking to thinking that he is a jerk for doing this to me.

He says we grown apart and that he doesnt love me. No, there were no signs. I didnt see it coming but he said he is tired of faking it, which I wont lie hurts so much. I didnt know we were faking it. I adore him. But I can justify his actions all day of why he is doing this but the bottom line, is he did. And for a week I was broken hoping he would wake up one day and be like, what have I done? but he hasnt.

My Jess told me the other day that I have to truly believe this is where I see one set of prints in the sand because God will carry me through.

Now I have ALOT of insecurities but my friend told me something so profound last night....you have survived the worst of it and look you still woke up and are here. This is the beginning, not the end.

So I will take this time to see a Christian Counselor and find my happy place again. Because as much I say that the past two years have been hard for Lovey, it been so hard for me and I can't fix him. Between my Dad getting Cancer and dying and then his wife firing us 3 weeks later and then dealing my brokeness of my brother, and the 4 IVF's and the getting pregnant and miscarrying and then having the sickness that my mom died from..its alot...so I need to heal. I try and bury all of it because i think Im strong if I can but I am broken and to have a breakthrough you have to broken and I am.

So please pray for me.

I have an amazing family that adores me.
I have a best friend that has held me up when i couldnt even stand.
I have a Lord that loves me and wants me to prosper that I have let the devil tell me how he doesnt love me.
I have the cutest nieces and nephews that help me smile when all I want to do is cry.
My business has been blessed beyond words.
I have a friend that has given me 4521548 passes to fly on Southwest airlines for free

Please Pray

I am going through something right now that is so personal I can't blog about it but please, if you pray....pray for me and my husband.