doubting faith

im doubting my faith...when people joke that God wont give them more then they can handle....i always joked but not now.....im bitter saying wtf alot.... like i was 6 when my Dad voluntarily didnt work and gave everything we had nice away.....then at 12 left my family of two brothers and a sick mom to live across the world and told me our whole life it was my fault because i wouldnt write the bible listening to my mom and playing um hi i was 12....wtf.....so he left us to claim welfare and take care of my sick/dying mom,  then i miscarry at 21, mom dies,then i suffer from infertility ,get diagnosed with my moms disease, dad dies, get fired from his company, suffer another miscarriage, separate from husband, get brain tumor, get breast cancer, get skin cancer .....now cancers back....wtf?????

and no dont think karma works...like wtf did i do to deserve all this....

and no i dont think ill do chemo again......it REALLY brought on SCA

Scars

Life is all about perspective. I can look at my scars daily and think ...why... or I can look at them daily and Think they are badges of honor to remind me that I fought two cancers and won

waiting........................

I wait and wait and wait for that call from my oncolgist....Ive had pain in  my shoulder blade going on 2 months....please please dont be cancer. please yes i had a petscan and am waiting for the pot to boil...uggggg

so again hug those that you adore because life can change in a moment......