MY Dad went to heaven this morning.

He is in a much better place, but its still hard.

come period come

took my last birth control pill Sunday...now waiting on my period. I cant believe I have spent over 2 1/2 yrs not wanting a period and now I cant wait for it to come. lol

soooooo tired

Could I BE anymore tired?

I think not.

IVF update #5

Since I went to Texas unexpectedly for my Dad, I had to bring my shots..I was so scared. But my brother did them for me.....





We are on day 6 of them. I am home now and Lovey did his first one this am. It didnt pinch, sting or anything.

All the side effects from the BC pills have gone away, Thank the Lord. but I am having some fun side effects from the lupron....Hot flashes, hungry, and sososooo tired along with the awesome emotional side effects... I knew that I might have some effects but I thought I might get lucky and maybe not have any.

I stop BC Sunday so once I get my cycle I go for my first bloodwork/ultrasound.

I got an email on tuesday that said that Probe for the PGD is ready!!!! So on to this awesome cycle:)

I know this sounds silly but I have over 40 episodes of "Friends" tivoed and I watch them so I giggle alot. Lovey brought me home all kinds of snack and that made me smile ear to ear. They say to smile and laugh as much as you can...so Im working on that.

About Dad:

He was released from the hospital on Monday. Hospice was called in on Tuesday. They have taken out his chemo port, and cancelled all upcoming Dr appt. I was told by Pam, the Hospice nurse, that my Dads Cancer Dr told her that they cant believe her even made it through the weekend.

He stopped hallucinating, However, he is very medicated and not "all there".

My step mother said he is not dying. After she heard that I called a manager at my work crying and saying my Dad isn't good and would last much longer, she sent out a text to everyone in our company telling them that she cant believe someone is spreading such rubbish at a time like this.

I got my Dad to hug me, kiss me, and tell me that he loved me and that I was his favorite daughter- every time I saw him.

Please keep us in your prayers. We all need them.

Im here

I am here in Texas. I saw my Dad yesterday and he is...well.... "not here". He is hallucinating alot. Its like Greys Anatomy episode this like week times 15428457. Its no fun when he thinks that the ceiling is going to come down from a water leak and he tells us over and over and over how we need to call maintenance to have them fix it....I kept telling him over and over that I love him. I saw Ann break down for the first time. She sobbed and sobbed for almost an hour. The nurse said it wont be long. Jason is here at DJ's now and he said he is worse today. I just found out that two of my Uncles will be here tomorrow. Wow, its been aver 20 years since I have seen some of my uncles....My Dad wont even know they are there but it will be good for all of us.

I did get my Dad to say to me before I left " I love you" and that I was his favorite daughter...and I will make him say it everyday till I leave.

the call

Well I got the "call" Monday. Ann said that the nurse from my Dads Dr. called and told her he had 6 weeks or so left to live. She is beyond devastated. I tried to keep her calm and call my brothers. I don't know why but I knew this was hap pending and I was sad they didn't understand it or believe it was here. I felt so alone. Now yesterday my Dad goes to Dr and he tells him that the cancer is everywhere in his body and that he has less than 6 weeks to live.
Then he is admitted to the hospital last night. After Testing, they said he has Pneumonia. This is good. He might go back home in a few days....

Ann told me yesterday to get on the next flight out. I am not. Not at this point. Tickets are almost $700. and I could get another buddy pass from Em, but I said my goodbyes last week. I was mad that nobody else thought he was dying. I did it all by myself. Now that he is dying its like, omg come here!! Well I am on IVF meds and if I go for a few days its not good to be stressed, and Ill have to take my needles. And what if he doesn't die yet? What if I go and he doesn't die for weeks. I have to be back by May 27th for my ultrasounds....

The last thing my Dad said to me was, well I sure do love you. It was nice. And I dont know if I go now if Ill get that great of a goodbye again.

And if I postpone IVF then I may not have insurance coverage in a month to do that. I dont know if I will even have it in 4 weeks for the ER and ET....

so its turning out to be a messy situation...please pray for me.

Dad is so sick

So I got here to Tx last week. My Dad was still in the hospital. I crawled up in his bed with him. He like that. He was discharged the next day and I watched him almost everyday. It was ok, the first few days. But the last day i just cried and cried. He couldnt remember things from 5 minutes before. He was very hostile. He wanted pain pills when I had just given him pain pills. He wouldnt wear his o2 mask. I kept taking his o2 vitals and they got really low...I told him if he didnt want to wear it then I had to call 911. Well that worked but he was angry with me...and I thought in 5 minutes he wont remember anyway, but then he would just get angry about something else with me. He would sleep, and when he would it would be catnaps.

I think DJ is in major denile about this. I dont think he realizes how bad he is. I feel so alone. When my moms was dying 9 years ago, I felt all alone taking care of her and now I come here and feel the same way about DJ again. At least J has been there for me.

yucky yucky

When I stated the BC pills I NEVER even thought that I would have the side effects that I have had EVERY SINGLE time I was on them and that one of the main reasons I went off of them was due to the repeated yeast infections that the stupid pill would cause.....well I came here to Texas to be with my Dad and I have been sooooo nautiated. MY Dad is not good, but thats another post....

So for the last few days I have been WAY bloated, nautious at every moment, and got a yucky yeast infection...Now I had prepared myself to be bloated and chubby, but to be those things before the shots is sooooo not right. lol

I am waiting for my Dr to give me the go ahead to start the shots/meds monday...hmmmm

so anyone else get side effects of meds that they didnt think they would?