Perspective

First of all, after re-reading my self pity entry, I realized that my life could be so much worse. I only had a feel sorry for myself moment for a bit last night and then I kept thinking that my life could be worse right? It could be 27 cycles that we have failed at and this happens….. We could be all set up for adoption with crib, baby clothes and all and then the sweet angel could be placed with someone else..We could finally be pregnant then miscarry over and over…..We could be 23 weeks pregnant with twins and loose them both….Life could be worse. So I think, this is not that BAD. Its not like she hasn’t had unprotected, non pill sex for 6 years and didn’t know if she could ever have a baby…So good for her that she never has to go through this yucky thing called IF, well the IF she is aware of, like me.

A wise soul wrote the other day in her blog…that we can still get to that right place were we should be, but after suffering from IF, it just takes us longer…this is so true..So it took me a day…but here I am.

I am broken because my brother has been trying to break up with this girl because she just doesn’t make him happy. Never has. He loves her but has never been that butterflies in your stomach in love with her. They have been together 6 years. Infidelity on her part 2 separate times. They keep making it work and they can simply do that for the rest of their lives but never achieve true happiness….so after trying to find the words for weeks, after giving her a preview of the breakup 2 weeks ago….he goes to tell her and she starts first and says…I’m Pregnant. 6 years unprotected sex. 6 years of 6 months with no period and then a period 2 times in a month. Ironic? Like the Alanis song. He comes to this life changing decision and she is pregnant. Yes, it is sticky. Her family lives in Arizona….her job is with our company in Texas. So now my brother tells me today that he is still not going to spend the rest of his life with her. He wants the “Ross and Rachel” situation from friends. And he told her this after she told him. He told her this and then she boarded a plane for a planned trip to see her Mom in Arizona. She is going to tell her mom right now. My heart breaks for her. Telling her mom, “I am pregnant, but my boyfriend of 6 years just wants to be friends.” I feel so bad for her. My brother doesn’t feel so bad for her because of the infidelity…but he wants to be in the babies life so he doesn’t want her to move to Arizona. He is set on having an extraordinary life. He believes if he isn’t happy then he can never make her happy, resulting in repeated affairs.

Now I love her. I laugh with her so much. She was so insecure 2 years ago that it made us have a rocky time, I was her live in shrink when I was there and I HATED IT.… Then she had a 3 month long affair that I found out about last April. At the same time as me finding out about this affair, I found out about one that happened 1 ½ years previous….so I pulled away and have let my brother make up his mind all by himself. I refuse to be close to her. My advise obviously gave her some self esteem..sooooo much of it that she went and had an affair…I’m awesome…hahahha Well he cant get past it. That combined with the above, he just cant make it work right now. I think he may fall in love with her being all cute and pregnant, living and working with him. She might turn into this awesome person, being a mommy. Only time will tell.

I found out at the same moment that my Dad has stage 2B cancer. They think they got it all out of his body. He is having 18 weeks of chemo. A dose every three weeks, and some radiation.

My Ov Watch still says NF. My fertility monitor gave me a high reading and my opk is still negative. Lovey came home tonight sick.

Hmmmm …Lord, my plate is kinda full.

But I did go to the pool today with all the girls and got some awesome sun and I got an awesome new phone which I love!!!! YaY!

progess? no

Finding out my sister n law is pregnant after 9 months of trying= soooo happy

Finding out 5 months later that the other sister n law is prego after not knowing they were trying = sad that it took them a year to get prego but even more sad they didnt even tell us they were trying, but soooo happy for them!

Finding out my husbands ex girlfriend( married to another guy and had a baby with him and see saws between them both) is pregnant again with her boyfriend now new husband = not so happy that she got knocked up again and got married again because of it. Im starting to feel the anxiousness...when for me?

Finding out that my brothers girlfriend is pregnant when he is having the break up talk with her after 6 years of dating= Devastated


I dont know if I am more sad that they are pregnant and we arn't. still....or because I am so sad for him and the decision he now has to make about them.

I hope I did the right thing...while I dont believe people should stay with someone because they are pregnant..I think that he should stay for a few years so he can 100% time with his son/daughter..and who knows he could fall in love with her. This is a huge decision. He just sat and cried. My heart break for him.

exercise

I wanted to start keeping a record of my yoga and sickness....I was trying to get pregnant for 3 years which meant I couldnt do anything except eat..according to me hahahahhaha and one day I went to do yoga and realized that my balance or eqalibruim went out the window....it scared me....

Well I good friend of mine had lost almost 50lbs from diet and lots of exercise alone. She said to me that she determines how she looks..So I determine how sick my bosy is...I WONT GIVE UP...I REFUSE TO GIVE IN LIKE MY MOM...
so I started doing yoga last week, almost everyday.... My birthday was Thursday so I had things to do on the weekend which made it impossible to go all weekend....

As of last wednesday, I was down 3.9lbs....I think I;m down more than that but as of then, thats where I was.

A few months ago when I started yoga I was VERY weak and couldnt do alot of things...IE: shoulder stand

I could not get in the pose at all. Once Lovey helped me up, I could stay but I couldnt get up...to save my life.

I could barely do a lung..shook violently and fell A LOT


I could not stay in the pose where you plant your sitbones down...


and dancer, I couldnt reach my foot which made it impossible to trty it due to my balance being so bad...


as of tonight.....I can get in a shoulder stand:) I can get into all the poses...The dancer is still a challenge but gets better daily. Lunges are still hard, but I can do them:)

so keep up for the updates!!!

Las Vegas Babyyy

We went to Vegas for 4 days. It was beyond amazing. We had VIP everything and the VIP isnt like it is here in S FLA....when you get VIP in Vegas you get the TOP NOTCH treatment. It was champagne the whole weekend!!!! It was ALOT of fun but I am soooo tired!

Some awesome pics from Dad special time

My Handsome Lovey with our Tubby


The flowers that my Shani sent me


MY Bre and meeee







































My Lovey with the pups in Texas