Its a choice

People OFTEN ask me why I am so happy...

Its a choice.

Crap happens to everyone so you can choose how you handle it- smile or pout....So I choose to smile.

Dont get me wrong there are days when I'm sad and have a pity party with myself but it is then that I remind myself or my husband does that I have so much to be thankful for. And if one thing doesnt change your mood then make a list....

or  remember

Source: lifestartswithastep.tumblr.com via Cassandra on Pinterest

I love Pink

so the artist Pink did again. I swear every album I feel like it applies to me....so when I heard this.. it made me sob because most people during cancer tried to smooth it over but there was a few that let me break down because they knew the pain would make me stronger-they said just feel what you feel..... and it has....

Cant wait

The Dr was wonderful today....I learned so much...I am being treated for 30 cycles....3 times a week. He highly thinks Ill rock this. So in 10 weeks Ill be better.  And after today, loveys onboard with the diet thing. So low sugar, no dairy, no peanut butter, and low red meat and more fish. He also asked me to have thiamine IV's.

I saw an older man, like in his 70's, with SCA and he used to be in a wheelchair and now he walk with a walker....and considering my mom died at 47, her dad at 36 and her brother at 33, it was a relief!!

so Ill drive oh so far too see him to get awesome!!!

btw, the cymbalta withdrawals still suck.

New Day

I decided to quit cold turkey the cymbalta. I am already having the withdrawls so instead of wheening i figure BRING IT ON!!!

Today I go to see Dr. Conde to get my test results and plan but since its an hour away im gonna ask for him to start therapy today.

My goals are.....walk normal, walk in heals, and run.......

my sister n law, Bre told me yesterday to where a headband and so I did this.... and lovey likes it....so yayayyayayy......

I was told that I have to go off cymbalta or have my ovaries removed......so at this point, Im choosing to not take cymbalta and IT IS BY FAR, the hardest medicine to wheene off of and I have been on 4521254 different meds...I also had a date with my husband tonight at Benihana. It was super good and nice.....Also I ordered his vday gifts and a book of pics for my Breast Cancer days......

New day

I get to go to a new Dr. today for my SCA/brain tumor......Im so excited that I get to start continue to get better. He is known to do lateralized vestibular rehabilitation program which will be super awesome. I go to Colorado in a month so I cant wait to walk better...And I get to see one of my favorite people too today....

btw I was told yesterday that tamoxifen has A LOT of drug interactions. So either watch those or have my ovaries taken out..I REALLY dont want another surgery but is it best? I dont know....uggg

Texas trip

I love going to Texas....and not working while there is super nice....We love spending time with the family. We pick up little things that my niece and nephew say, like.....she says"I just really need this"and our nephew says, "Hey guys, watch this"....We had alot of fun.....Everyday my niece told me that my hair is growing back fast.
Bre is a teacher 3 days a week so we missed her...and the kids were sick too:(

She's 4 and luvs Hello Kitty

My sister n law is uber talented....Bre made all the decs, the cake, and the ears....ohhhh and the birthday girls shirt

Making circus bark

so my friend that is now the writer of this awesome blog told us how to make this circus bark and she isnt lying it was sooooooooooooo yummy.

and easy enough that my niece helped me make it 

 Then she asked if we could make another batch for her party- so I put the cookies first and the the almond bark and then the sprinkles and yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

still trying

so today I went to a mutual survivor house. She is pretty awesome and knows everyone.....so when Im around her I get super nervous - so going to her house was not my favorite thing. I wanted to be a hermit but I overcame it and went. She is letting me borrow a sleeve, considering they are 100.00 and NOT  covered by insurance....and she is suuuuuuuuper nice.

so tomorrow I leave for Dallas:)

Today I had a date with the below friend. We went to Penera...yuuuuuum and she said I looked like I got highlights so YAYAYAY!!!

So she did the announcement with my pic...which I love. She is sooooooooooooooooo cute. We had a great day!!!!

lucky me

so today I went to Target to find something Hello Kitty to wear at my nieces birthday party....and I got such a cute shirt, pink leggings and purple boots....yeah Ill be pretty cute. And then came home and worked out a bit...Im trying to workout everyday. I called my Oncologist today and I do need a sleeve to travel, so tomorrow Ill go get one. Like these

and here are more pics of my hair today....5 months growth=a lot of gel to make it not a fro.....its curly so its tough to do, but IM A SURVIVOR!!!!

Im not smiling because someone was next to me, not that holding a camera with a flash didnt give away me taking a picture!!!

Friends forever

So due my balance, I dont work anymore. But considering Ive known Rachel forever.....pls see below-proof of this

We were in dance about age 11 or so......Now she has 6 kids....yes- 6 and she is still crazy thin....anyway she finally got her girl and I HAD to have a newborn session with her.

Her daughter got her amazing good looks from me.....I dont know how but its a miracle

here is her slideshow

Every storm runs out of rain

I heard something Tony Robbins said years ago that helped me when I thought the pain, uglyness, and difficulty would NEVER EVER END. He said that speaking to parents that have lost a child is his hardest client...he just tells them.....every darkness ends.......so when i would sit on the toilet crying of the pain of just walking back to my chair, I would remind myself, this will end....Then Gary Allen came out with this song and its so true....every storm runs out of rain......


So when your broken in anyway, remember it will always end.

One year

Many of you have a birth story of a beautiful child....so here is my story minus the beautiful kid and insert Breast Cancer. I was unable to write about it forever so on my year anniversary, let me share.  Let me start out with a disclaimer.....DISCLAIMER: small boobies DOES NOT EQUAL no Breast Cancer!!!!! I swear mine were 34 A and I got it...Stage 3 too....sooooo check.  So in December 2012 I was lying in bed, watching TV and I thought on my right breast was a lump so I asked Lovey to feel and he said it felt like a .swollen muscle. I was SOOOO not worried. I called my Dr. and made an appt for the next week. I left for Texas for a few days the next day, not worried. Well right after Christmas I was seen by my OBGYN and he felt it and was worried and sent me for a mammo and ultrasound. So at those the tech  asked the Dr. to come in and check himself and he was also worried. Told me I had to be biopsied ASAP. At the biopsy, which Lovey and Mom came too. It was PAINFUL. and after I ask the Dr. on a scale of 1-10 1 being no cancer and 10 being probable....He said, OH ITS PROBABLY CANCER.  And at that moment he sounded like Charlie Browns parents. I asked him to go discuss it with my Mom and husaband and so he did. and so we waited for the call.......and on 1/12/12 at about 10 am, I got the call. It was my Dr. so I kinda knew it was bad but NOTHING CAN PREPARE  you for those words. You have cancer. I said thank you for calling and called lovey at work and sobbed to him and the next thing I knew was he was home with my favorite from Dunkin Donuts. So the next three months consisted of 4521254 Dr appointments which mt Mom and Husband went to everyone. So ONE year to that day, I am a A SURVIVOR!!!! I had two cancers and kicked their ass......
and I still agree, I have a good life!!!- this is the video I made when I had a Cancer party!!l

and my family flew out to surprise me because I was achingly sad

year of hair

So instead of insisting that I look like a boy or that I like girls.....I figure I would bed thankful that I have hair and that its on its way to getting long again...so look. This is me right after diagnosis, taken by my amazing hairdresser that has become a once in a lifetime friend.....Amanda Lynn

This is after mt 1st chemo but before I lost all my hair

This is the haircut that my Amanda gave me when I called her crying that I have to shave and she said no and came in on her day off to help a very broken girl

This is the day I had to shave my head

And the very overpriced wig that I only wore a few times

My amazing husband shaved his head so I wasnt alone

This is Christmas 2012 when my hair was growing back 

My hair is growing back so much, soon it will be a faded memory