She never was blessed to meet my lovey. Its weird to think that he is the best Ive ever met and yet she never got to see me smile like this. I think that if she lived a lil longer to see me this happy it would have made her want to live longer than she did. She was so depressed and she just gave up.
No litarally , gave up. Had them tie off her feeding tube and be done with this earthbound life.....and the hardest thing i did was not tell her what to do. Not tell her to stay because i was selfish. Just let her do what she needed to do.
Those 3 months were some of best three months I ever got with her.
After she died I went out with all my friends from work and danced the night away..layed by the pool and had a rockin new life.
Then it hit me.Um your Mom just died. This didnt happen for 7 months..and then my world crumbled. it was bad, i was sososo sad. I didnt know what to do. I didnt have any family anymore. I barely spoke to my older brother and my younger brother lived so far, Me and my dad were just two people that were polite to each other. He would preach to me and I would just take it. And to top matters I had the dumbest boyfriend ever that i lived with.
(why is it that when your in a relationship that you know is not the one for you but you choose to try and convence EVERYONE including yourself that he is the one and then when you break up you wanna kick yourself because the signs were there the WHOLE time!!!!)
I went back to college. Oldest in my classes. Straight A's... I was gonna make somethin of my life. I worked for a law firm and met my Amanda. She made me smile again. Hell, not just smile but laugh and laugh everday. I did that for a few years. then I realized that Im the only one that can make my life what I want it to be....my mom used to tell me that all the time, but i had an "ahhhhaaaa" moment. She told me on her death bed that i didnt have to marry robert and i truly think she told me that because she saw that he was so not good for me. He had money but that was it. So I left him. (it took 2 years, but i did it) I started working for a bar as a beer tub girl. I went to the beach. I ate so much fast food. I drank like a sailor. I flirted like there was a shortage of boys. I fixed my crooked ass teeth.
I love my life!
I was so proud that I left Robert. I was so happy I did it. I was so proud that for the first time in my entire life I wasnt depending on a boy to support me. I lived in a room with a lil girl of my friend Kara. Kara was going through her own thing so we played together. We painted the town Red and Purple. It was awesome. No boyfriends for me.
Then I met lovey...one night he smiled, smelled so good, dressed to kill, and he thought i was the cutest thing with my brace face. At least it was a tan brace face. HAHA
We bought a house, i quit the bar, quit school and started working with my Dad from Home. Life changed. Then I found out I was sick like my mom and then i was crushed all over again. Then Lovey and I broke up for about 72 hours (longest of my life) and I went to a therapist. OMG, I loved her...and there I was. Happy and free. Love my life.
Now almost 3 years from that day and 7 years from the death of my mother, I truly think she is looking down from heaven smilen so big. I know she is begging God to give me a baby, she would love to see that :) I wish she was here to hug me again and rock me in her recliner like I was lil...gosh, I miss those days.
Life is good. Life is beyond good. Work rocks. Sosososoososos busy is an understatement. But our company has done almost 3 Mil in sales this year so far and we only did 4 Mil ALL year last year...so um, yeah we rock. My husband is just the most awesome thing ever. I would love to tell you one thing he did, but he does more than one thing per day just to make me smile. My house looks amazing. My husband painted it while I was gone...
sooo 7 years later.
I have DJ, the younger brother...who I talk to everday like 4 times a day. Im his biggest fan.
I have the older brother that I talk to again
I have a daddy that walked me down the isle and calls me once a day just say hi and see how i am.
I have my own home
I have my own awesome husband
I have an awesome job
I have an amazing mother n law
I have a huge family with Lovey's family
i have the most incrediable friends
7 years has flown, but oh my godness... has so much happend.
Thanks to everyone that has been there for me when i didn think I could make it through the month of may. Now its a great month. Lots of smiles:)
