Yay!!

So I'm planning an anniversary party for a one year of no cancer in November and was afraid that the biopsy I had a week ago would show that I have cancer again and I still don't so I'm having a party....

Im soooooooooooooooo relieved thats its not cancer!!!!

this is my ouch but please dont be Cancer face

and this is my happy its not cancer face

Recheck

I had my recheck for my progress from my PT. Well to make a long story short, I am better in ways but the same in others. But more importantly, Im not worse!!!

and he gave me more PT twice a week for FREE!!! Im so giddy..

It is a VERY slow progression, so its good it been 5 months to show I am getting better because its like watching a pot of water boil.

And so random but as Im writing my story for the blog of Fight like a girl, I wrote how I fought like a girl and kicked TWO cancers ass....and as Im writing this it becomes clear- or clearER that Im WAY better then a year ago.....WAY so yayayayay me

and to say it again, I freaken love my husband....

Hot flashes

THEY ARE NOT FUN

I had them during chemo and then they went away which i loved......then they came back one I started tamoxifen, like I missed them or something.....Some days I only have like 5 but yesterday I had like 5 an hour...ugggg. My electric bill wont love it and it being summer here in Florida I think doesnt help it.

but the silver lining is my neauropathy has turned into numbness instead of pins and needles in my hands and feet and I just wished last time I only had a few things to complain about- not everything....and now, I dont know if I am just used to the crap but its nice NOT to have everything wrong..

speaking of wrong...I had another spot on my arm that they biopsied. Please pray its nothing but a hole with stitches and not skin cancer again..

I read something so wise the otherday.....God created chemo brain so you dont remember the very dark place that you were once in....and its so correct. When I read some entries from a group of cancer survivors, I had forgotten some of the side effects....so there is a silver lining to chemo brain....

Also I saw a video of a woman that has cancer again :( which is not good but she put into words so many things about Breast Cancer like about how after chemo and surgery you have no pride left with your spouse....And she says her husband is such an angel......and so is mine. And with chemo brain it is sometimes difficult to put into words.

Here's her amazing video http://supportthefightagainstbreastcancer.com/?p=1942#7qbwXwvblvf7k7DL.01

Also so random but it is so nice to go bowling once a week with lovey. Forever he took off and did everything for me and never complained so to go out once a week to bowl with his great friends is so nice.....

Hair

Today after a year of waiting....and at one part , I thought I would never ever get here.......but today, I highlighted my hair!!!

this was before

then after

and my Amanda- hair stylist told me that my hair is growing now lighter then before....so yayay!!!

For all those people that told me it was just hair, I loved highlighting my just hair!!!!

Recovery

Im watching Gulliana on Access Hollywood and AGAIN I can so relate to her.....She was saying how Bill was so awesome going to every appointment but in the middle of the night when she woke up in a panic- he would calm her.....and mine was privately too that he would calm my nerves....

and she also said that for at least a year she would only see her scars out of the shower and disliked the way she looked ad said how when your going through it you just want to end up alive.....and are not vain but after treatment your like what have I done and you just want to be pretty again...

these things she said are soooooo true.....

being in this place, although it can be dark, I still prefer it here versus at the starting line.....

complaining

my husbands assistant manger was in a REALLY bad car accident like 4 months ago, making him not work and my husband work 6 days a week....You think he ever complains...NOPE...but I do..... He gets up daily at 5:30 and works till 6pm but i complain....his constant drycleaning, his constant laundry.and he came home last night and scrubbed the kitchen....

and you wonder why hes my favorite thing

Random

ok so I might have the best chef as a husband.... he made this for me and seeing how Im southern and was craving chicken but the last time we made it, it tasted so bland...so when i said yesterday i wanted chicken but  Ill get it next time at cracker barrel, he was like challenge accepted..... so he made this

yeah it tasted sooooo good and looked like we bought it................

in other news..less then a week for my hair dye!!!!! and Im taking my husband on a staycation. He just got an assistant after 4 months of not having one...and he takes such good care of me so its a thank you too

and my brother and bre are closer to finally setting a wedding day.....engaged since 2009 and 2 kids....so yes its time, which inspires me to wear wedges so I can wear cute shoes at their wedding...

my goal is to wear them for an hour.....

Side effects

I told my dr that i have very frequent hot flashes...and she said that actually is a good sign. There is new report that shows that if you have hot flashes on Tamoxifen it is a sign that the meds are working...so bring it

She also told me that I am aloud to finally dye my hair and do my nails instead of waiting a year ofter chemo....So I did what any normal girl would do.....made the appts for each thing while still at Dr.'s office.

in other news, I jumped on a trampoline...I so was sure I couldnt do it....and I did!!! I might have cried....

NO CANCER

I just checked the website again and 3 tests for tumor markers for cancers say Im awesome!!!!

I wont lie I was worried.....I feel like Im due for bad news...my marriage is awesome, my finances are awesome, and my family is amazing so I worry my health will suffer cause thats logical.....my husbands tries to tell me I have had my share of yuckyness and to not worry, but I dont believe him....

waiting

Im waiting on a very important email...It seems like forever. I go in every three months for my oncologist to feel me up, tell me Im so awesome, an injection, and took take alot of blood to see if Im still cancer free....My dr says to not be scared, it wont change anything...If I have it again, it doesnt help to worry....but every three months I think Ill always worry.

And in case I havent said it lately, I never ever want cancer again.

Ever

The cutest thing....ever

I am VERY WELL KNOWN to say everything my nieces or nephews do is the cutest thing ever....but I think this wins...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151421614340812&l=8471841942401405847

a bunch of 4 year olds playing their first basketball game was BY FAR  the cutest thing ever....

so if you want to smile at the end of a hard day, go see little kids play basketball

This side of cancer

I FREAKEN love being on this side of cancer. Reading so many blogs today about women who are still fighting makes me even more grateful.

If your still fighting......Remember....every storm runs out of rain

and choose....choose joy

Infertility

We went through this and our story isnt like many- we dont have a kids.

Its not always fun for example: You dont always get invited to child bday partys, and or child events, you only have your giant dog to compare the bed stories too and alot just dont get it. Our marriage suffered.  But there is a silver lining...we vacation whenever and however long, we can eat out whenever, we dont have to rearrange our lives for sleeping patterns, and when I was super sick from chemo I didnt have little ones to worry about........But I WISH my fridge didnt have enough room for all my childrens art. I wish that I had little loveys running around. I wish we paid for activities instead of furniture, but we dont. I wish my husband did elf on the shelf for our kids and didnt have to settle for me.....But this is the life God made for us. Even though we dont know why, we have to trust him.

And for all those that believe that we should just adopt. Í have a terminal illness that you can die from in 10 yrs after diagnosis. So they wont give us a baby...

But I read this and it says it so well
http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/26/ten-words-that-describe-infertility/

my hair

Recently I took 4501258 pics of myself and posted them on FB . My hair looks ALOT lighter in all the pics then it really is so I thought I would take another shot till it looked like it does in REAL life

so here it looks blondER

 and here is how it really looks

yeah Im gonna lighten it when I'm aloud