in between

I tell my shrink ALL THE TIME that everyone who had Breast Cancer, came off that they are very full of roses...and this girl states that NO ONE was awesome during cancer....and like every freaken thing, everyone is so different....but for me it was somewhere in the middle. I got WAY closer to a few people including my husband and his Mom.....but I had a few friends that where super close to me that I can count on one hand how many times I saw them during my cancer.....and yes the attention fades when you get better but it should because your a BIG PERSON and due to how much I was affected by cancer, Im super self conscious and therefor want to be alone sometimes....but she is right about the after effects, I have pain everywhere, scars everywhere, and numbness where I don't have pain and sleeping comfortably is not my friend still.....and yes I still see a shrink to fix this stupid/broken head a mine.......

And....

so she is correct when she says that Cancer is a horrible thing and we have so many issues still....but like my mother told me before she went to heaven.....it is what it is....be happy or sad about it but it wont change....So I choose joy....most days....but its a choice