to fast?

so yesterday was hard...
do I text or not? do I pack his stuff from our sleepover or what? do I play hard to get or what?
So I turn to my bible and ask God what to do seeing how we've become Bff's and he brought lovey home to me...so I got "be yourself" from everything I read...so I called him, left him a key with a note that says " Dont hurt me please" and then I got home last night and told him what I wanted. EVERYONE says take it slow but we dont do slow well...I just want to get back to our goodness and after telling him what I want, I could see he was happy too....So yes, we might be dumb to not take it slow but, thats us and thats what works for us...He told me how for the first time in a long time he felt peace yesterday...he is so sure with his decision...i luv that, cause if he was unsure I would be very unsure, but Im not.

less than 3 months

Gary came over again yesterday. He brought me coffee and food which is def a start to his niceness...then we talked and he told me how ashamed he is for everything. How he has tried to be with someone else and has broken up with her 5 or 6 times cause she isnt me...He told me how if I will have him, he feels like he was made to be my husband. We talked alot, funny I cant remember to blog it...but he told me he screwed up a few holidays but he promise, if I let him, he wont again. He told me he thought i would never ever forgive him. I told him that God has helped me.

We hung out all day and I digested this info...he then kissed me and that was all I remember...but it did have to do with him picking me up like in the movies...yes I have missed that...all I could think of that moment and this am as I sit her scared he wont want to come home...is even I only have that moment then I am so thankful..because all MY needs were met...For the first time in 3 months I didnt feel alone...He left to go to his moms to stay and about 15 minutes later he text me that he didnt have a key and to let him in...so I did. and I barely slept, I kept waking up and looking over to see him there....

I dont mean to smother him and I dont want to because he might not be able to breath but I dont know how else to do this...I go to my shrink today. He is gonna be like wtf?

btw, I told him that he isnt aloud to ever talk to that whore again. whore...whore...whore....ugggg

btw, Gary said that he was gonna give me everything in the divorce, let it default. He said he deserves to loose everything..

I prayed for this day but never ever thought God would give it to me...Um he does bigger miracles and yet I was worried...nice

I am the exception not the rule....

so three months today, my husband has already come home...it was like probation time..hahah

His hand is on me

I thought I would write about what has been going on, because many post say screw him and then i wanted to be friends...
k, back story. I am the most forgiving person. ever. It is one of my best qualities but one of the worstI have too. My Dad left my family and blamed us kids till the day he died that we didnt do what he wanted so he left, my dying mother with 3 kids on welfare. Awesome. Then on my mothers death bed she asked to see him to make amends and he refused to come because he said he had an picture in his head of my mom well that he wanted to remember her like...Then she died and 3 weeks later, he told me to get passed her death. I told him that it was only three weeks and to give me some time. So fast forward a few years, he asks me to come work for his aviation company. I do. I chose to forgive him even though he never apologized.

So Gary has screwed me sideways. I truly know he is broken. So I felt it was my job as an awesome person to help him when he comes to me and tells me that he wants to come home or sends me the below text. And no I didnt want him, but I knew that he was starting to be the Gary from before.....


So I sent him a cookie bouquet just to congradulate him, then I send him the name and # of my shrink...then he tells me this past saturday that he so wants to come home but for the right reasons, because he hates living at his moms...

Skip to less than 24 hrs later he tells me he is with the gem....

So basically I am always the bigger person but I cant and wont talk to him ever again accept when it applies for the divorce....I tried that friend thing but he isnt a great friend so Ill pass...

speaking of the divorce, i had to fix some stuff at the courthouse today and it has officially been filed...Happy Birthday to me! And some things happened to me today that makes me know that God's hand is on me.

still cant believe she has the ultimate tramp stamp...and visible in a bathing suit...classy. I feel like the girls on the bachelor..if he wants that then I am soooooooooooooooo not his type.

it took 2 1/2 months but I feel amazing..Ate some hamburger helper tonight which he hated....it was so yummo

She is a gem

I had an overwhelming feeling that Gary wasn't soul searching, he was searching to not be alone. So I call him this am and asked him if he and Jen were back together. He said yes. I said, Have a nice life and hung up.

Thats all I needed to hear. I was trying to be the bigger/nicer person to his face. But he isnt soul searching/trying so no thanks...

I hope to never ever see him again. ever

And to top that amazing feeling of freedom, I find out that this gem has a tattoo on top of her lady parts, that shows in a bikini, that says, Tease me, please me. And no she isnt a Scorpion from the 80's fan...

What a gem....

can i get a loud ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

insert evil laugh here

I went to macy's and got some super cute clothes. I am going out tonight for a bachorlorette party.And I got some super cute stuff....

Should I take a picture of my cute self tonight and send it to Gary's girl ( or ex girl, who knows), telling her thanks for my new threads, cause I bought them with the store credit I got from her buying me the Coach purse...hhahahahahah, I would never, but the thought is there.

Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around...Comes Around

What have you done for me?

In the last week, Gary has broke up with girlfriend, come by and then text that he is so ashamed of his decisions. That his life sucks and he is getting a divorce he doesn't want. This proves to me how much he is broken. And yes I feel bad that he is so confused and I want him to be unconfused. But I dont want him to come back to me. Once he gets the papers, I dont think he will want to.

He was honored at work for 15 yrs of service. I sent him a cookie bouquet. I knew he could do it.....

We talked the other day and he is sooo confused and I told him that I just want him to know what he wants....

IF he comes to me and says that he knows that he wants to be home, Ill tell him I dont blame him. Not to sound cocky, but who wouldnt want to be on my team? I put everyone first, I am a cute girl, and being put through the test of time, I am still nice/the bigger person in all this. But Ill say, Why should I want you on my team? What have you done for me or what can you do for me? Chances are he will repull away. And thats ok, because in 3 months that I have been alone, I have thrived. I can rock this on my own. I have so many friends, and boys calling, and my business is about to explode....So for the first time in my life it will stay about me....

I truly want him to smile again, but being apart makes me realize that I only smiled when I did things to make him smile...I did everything for him and then I would resent that I always felt what about me? and you teach people how to treat you so no more...I want to make the man I am with a better person but he has to want to make me a better person too and I dont feel like that was the case with Gary and I.