more of amazingly good

Today Ronnie came over to suprise Lovey and it was really for me because he brought Cooper! I have so many pics. Some from Halloween. It was a great Holiday. Jess's husband went trick or treating with us which was so good because he is honestly the funniest person I have ever met. No wonder Jess adores him so much....

My Dad found out that all the cancer has grown. He is doing one treatment of radiation for the brain cancer and he said he starts chemo again for the lung cancer....we will see how it goes.

I am going to Texas for DJ and Bres shower on Nov 29th. I am also going for the birth from Jan7th to Jan 26th...sosooso excited.

My Dad has withdrawn the offer to buy him out. It got ugly but now it seems for this minute that my Dad is asking advice and being nicer. Its good.

We went last night to the fair. It was Coopers first fair and we had such a great time. He is just so cute and so good.

WARNING: I have taken wayyyyy to many pics which I am attaching!

Ronnie and Victoria came over one night just to see us...




Then we went to their house because we found an Easter Snoopy Tree and got it for Victoria..She didnt have it so I was sososo happy.

We all were together for Halloween and of course Ronnie and Victoria were the peanuts gang.

He was sleeping snoopy


My Lovey and My Jess

her angels



Our pumpkins

Lovey and me. I was really suprised/scared!

Then last night at the fair that Dad plays at every year.






mom and dad still in love

cousins


Then today Ronnie came over and Cooper and I had ANOTHER photoshoot.






and i got my hair cut and highlighted. Ive been going to this girl for cuts and she is awesome so I let her color it to save me LOTS of money....

Ive got joy joy joy joy down in my heart..where?

I havent updated but I am soooo in luv and get so much Joy from Baby Cooper..

I dont what I love the most. Maybe its the way his mommy loves him so much. Maybe its because when I hold him I feel amazing. Maybe its because he smiles at me and it takes my breath away. Maybe its because I now get to spend so much time with Victoria now. Maybe its because I can feel how good of a mom I will be each time I kiss his face. All I know is I love this little boy. I feel so lucky to have him in my life....




Look at the love in mommies eyes

silly Aunt Cassandra

his little shoes

looking at mommy

Daddy flying him around


my Lovey- his uncle Gary on babysitting duties

I cant wait for him to hold ours

his blue eyes


Life is good. I feel very blessed. My husband works every single day at something to make me smile.
Today he brought home some wayyyy overdue groceries and made me some chili. I have wanted some chili for days-low carb meal=yum yum for my clothes. heehee
Yesterday he took me to Starbucks for a pumpkin latte and then we went to the christmas store so we could start buying stuff for our christmas village. I could go on and on, but its nice to love my life so much:)

I saw this on Oprah today...it speaks for itself.

This is beyond inspiration.



Thanks to the family for being an example of what I want to be.

What to think?

I sit here jamming to Britney and alot of other songs that make me smile....I started spotting today. DPO 11 :( Lovey and were so chessey hoping that I would finally be knocked up and then I started spotting ugggg. I have not decided whether we will do clomid again or try anymore. Today I say no, we need a break, but then tomorrow I will want to try again. I think. Do I get the flu shot if I start clomid in a couple days?

My Dad is very sick. They gave him about a year to live from September this year. He won’t tell any of us kids anything.

And to make a REALLY LONG story shorter...My brother is trying to buy my Dad out. He is doing this for a few reasons. For my Dads health is one of them . My Dad is so stressed by everyone calling him for money and yet he is so sick. Also so my Dad can go into the mission fields the last year of his life. His heart is there, he belongs there and away from all this termoil. Well, my brother already owns 19% of the company shares. Another investor owns 35%. Another owns 5 or 10%. My Dad owns 1% and his wife owns 35 or 40% of shares. My Dad was giving my brother the company and now he is asking WAY too much money for his wife and his shares. He finds DJ wanting to buy them out as a challenge...as an insult. not as a peace offering.

We will go bankrupt if my brother doesn’t buy the company and adjust our spending...My brother has tried to share with my Dad how we can save money by cutting expenses but my Dad takes the advice as an insult. He thinks that if he takes the advice from a 28 year old than it looks like he doesn’t know how to run the company.

And then on top of all the nasty emails- saying how incompetent we all are, he throws in there -that DJ would do what he asks IF he had any concern/regard for his unborn child. His wife joined in on this advice in her last email...and out of all the nastiness, I can’t understand how they can call themselves servants of God, but more.... it bothers me that he uses guilt to try and guilt my brother into doing what he wants : If you love you daughter you would......And it makes me mad because if my Dad loved my brother and his unborn daughter than he wouldn’t be putting us all through this nonsense and he doesn’t do anything for his kids so how can he scold DJ for not being a good Dad to his unborn daughter and yet be like this to his own children.

It urks me to no end. Mess with me and Im hurt, but used to it….but mess with DJ, I get so angry.

And you are asking yourself...what does your Dad want from your brother? And what’s so hard with him doing it? Well, this may be TMI but we made 8 million in gross sales last year and you want to know what our net profit was? Try 56k...um 56k is all. Now with the wonderful economy we are down to 6 million in sales this year and expenses are the same and we are losing money left and right. So to stay the same is what my Dad wants. He wants to spend money we don’t have and yell at us and tell us what dirtbags we are for not making more money. Um, United airlines ground all 90something of their B737's, that’s how much they are hurting for money, but we are only down not even 20% and yet we are dirtbags, slackers, on vacation, taking advantage and whatever mean thing he can say and all because he wants every employee to have a printer on their desk (toner too) ...and get the best pens and paper, provide free sodas to all employees, supply snacks for all the employees. I can guarantee they would give up the luxuries to keep their job and they would love to not be told they are useless and that would mean more than free sodas any day...With the minor cuts my brother wants to do will shoot our profit up to over a half million with only 6 mil in sales…

This is such a longer story but I will only spew a little of it out like the vomit it is..

Sorry to rant, but uggggggg

please pray for peace for me..

I went to a wedding this weekend and it was so small but so beautiful. Kim took pictures. I wanted her to take pics at my wedding but couldnt afford her. She is sososo talented. Here is the link to the blog. She is friends with the bride, whom I babysat for when I was 11 yrs old...
http://www.kimberlyjarman.net/2008/10/liz-and-durann-huband-and-wife.html
I saw her entire family whom I also babysat. I hadnt seen them since my mothers funeral 8 years ago. It was nice. I gave blood earlier in the day though and was sosososo not myself. I didnt eat and it made me winded and my balance WAY off and in heels it wasnt a good combo.

My husband won both of his softball games last night. They were playoff games. He was so happy. He got a nice rash on his leg from sliding which bled for hours but its like his batle wound which he is so proud of.

dork. haha

a new perspective

So as you can read, its been a tough couple of days. Well I started spotting yesterday at 8 DPO -so yes it could be implatation but now my boobs are starting to not hurt like OMG, so the chances is not good that I'm prego....And I'm ok.

My dog Taffy had seazures this am...took her to the vet and they ran test. she has a heart murmer that is a 3 out of a 6. They did Xrays and said to watch her and bring her back if she experiences loss of breath or 6 months...whichever comes first. She is home and happy.

I got the email from my Dad today. Its the worst we has feared.

I watched Oprah and it was about a woman that lost her arms and legs to a virus after labor....she made my "hard" life look like a walk in the park. So I'm gonna try and look for the silver lining in all this.

The other day I asked my husband and I wrote about the parents I was assigned by God, that it was a sick joke. Well when my husband walked in the house with " Fall Flowers" and a cinnamon broom, I thought, lucky me. Then we were laying in bed and my spooky was doing the no pants dance (kneeding) on my chest and purring away and rubbing on me with his face...showing how much he loves his mommy and Lovey turned over watching us and laughing and saying how he loves mommy too.....I thought, lucky me...so maybe God was joking when he gave me not so perfect parents, but he made up for it when he gave me Lovey, Jess and Spooky.

Lucky me.

I'm so sorry

I have emailed and texted my Dad regarding the results of his latest scan....

this is what I got back from him in an email this morning...

"The cancer n the lungs remains stable, unchanged. The cancer n the brain is growing and enlarging. This is the report in a nutsheel. I do not know what we are going to do at this time. Wil keep you informed once we do.

Thanks for asking."

He must be so broken.

I emailed him that I love him. I hope its enough.

wayyy overdue

You know how time flies by and you don’t do the things that are so normal for you and when someone asks why you have been gone, or distant, you always say that your soooo busy and apologize so much they tell you its fine and you genuinely feel bad? Well that’s been my life x50. I have been so emotionally spent that I just can’t find the time to update because that would mean I would have to rehash all that I am going through. And I like the denial thing and rehashing makes denying. well hard.

My Dad had his scan on Friday to see if the chemo has worked, and we will find out the results this upcoming week. His wife is still very hard to deal with. I asked to fly there a few weeks back and was told no I had to make more sales and focus on those things and not coming to visit my possibly dyeing father.

And you know how some people go through a life changing event and you can see how resilient they are because they don’t even seem like they are going through something so tough. Like my mother when she knew she would die in 21 days or less. Well she lived a wonderful 3 months 10 days and she laughed most of the time through that. Well my Dad is not that person. He is negative and puts everyone around him down. He talks mean to all and acts as though we all owe him the world. This is hard for more than one reason. This is hard because I have tried to turn the other cheek with my Dad after leaving us 3 kids with a dying mother to go live in another country. He also didn’t send us one dime. He says he lived on someone’s floor for 2 years and then he started making money. Well we kids were still on food stamps and having our thanksgiving dinner and Christmas gifts donated to us from charity at that time still. A few hundred dollars would have come in kinda handy. But no. Not only that, he told us then and still believes that God himself told him to leave us..... So with me not ever having a personal conversation with God I haven't been able to ask him if he told him or not. So, I have let that go. Then 2 yrs ago he didn’t come to my reception because we served wine, beer, and had a champagne toast. He did not pay for any of it. At all. I didn’t understand him being so cold to me.But I told myself that at least he came down and gave me away at my wedding which I never, as a teenager, thought would happen, especially when he lived in another country. And working for him is...... um, very trying to say the least. My husband is so sick of hearing how my Dad will pay me my way overdue commissions soon. And then my step mom will call me and tell me how they gave my younger brother thousands after I get the song of poverty and how they can’t afford my commissions. Huh? And now that my Dad is so sick and he has mismanaged his and the companies money for years and years its hard when you call to say I love you, and get from him, you need to make more sales and you cant come here because we want you to focus on more sales. And then reading numerous emails that DJ has forwarded to me from my Dad to DJ, bashing DJ and me...saying how I need to work and I'm on vacation. Vacation? Haha...Also the fact that he is married to a woman that is a year older than me and they sleep on a 10k adjustable temperpedic bed and that they froze his sperm before chemo so she can have IVF soon is well..... is all very different to deal with . And to be honest I’m kinda jealous that they have all this money and all these material things and Lovey and I have to work so hard for our stuff. And that is actually so good, makes us appreciate things more. But for people to constantly think that because my Dad lives the high life, he must spoil his only daughter. And the reason that Lovey and I live comfortable is because he is very giving to me with his money and that couldn’t be further from truth. So all of these things combined together make it hard to be lovey dovey with him. My brother is in the process of buying him out. It is very trying, but it will be done, soon. And to be honest the sooner the better. For all of us.

My brother and his girlfriend are expecting a little girl. They are doing better. Now that DJ knows its a girl, he seems to be very excited and that makes me so happy. I have already bought lots of little clothes. DJ is so cute doing all this research on everything about the baby. I am helping her mom throw her a shower in November. It’s going to be lots of fun. We are going to have it at my other brother huge house. I can’t wait.

Lovey is taking me to Vero Beach for our anniversary. He tried to surprise me, but left the confirmation letter on the counter and I found it...but yayayayayayyay for the Disney resort on the beach for 4 days....wowwww The past two years have been so good and easy. This reminds me that we have been trying to make a baby for 2 years. Well I found out that Texas insurance from my company covers IVF...so if we aren’t prego by Jan, then we will fly to Texas for IVF. Its wayyy cheaper to fly there a few times for the IVF and pay for the extra insurance then pay for it out of pockets here in Fl. I’m currently taking clomid and will for the next 3 months....Either way I hope to be knocked up in the next 6 months,

I can’t wait for Christmas. Our house is newly remodeled. It’s going to look sosososoo good. We are also going to Disney and taking the family. We are using our Disney timeshare points for the year and getting a 3 bedroom house on the Animal Kingdom reservation for 2 days. We are all going to Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas. It’s going to be so fun.

One of my closest friends is moving NYC this week. She is awesome. I want to come visit her and Honeymink around Christmas time. As cliché as it is, the ice rink? The tree? cold clothes? omgomgomg. I will miss her immensely but it’s such a good thing for her.


We have been going to this little Irish Pub. It is a little piece of heaven. They sing Irish music we eat good food and maybe a few Irish carboms and some dark beer. Good times.



Victoria and Ronnies first outing without cooper..she looks amazing

Lovey's shaved head


Victoria loves being a mommy. Cooper was born on August 21st. He is already growing so big but so little...
Their first softball game

his 2nd game

Could eat them both

He is staring at his favorite Aunt Tassie


ohh and Lovey shaved his head. I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it like I thought I would.


and the wayyyy over due picture of the wedding gift that I got Lovey for Joanna aka Everclear.


This is our spooky who is just over a year old. I'm a dirtbag mommy and missed his birthday.



Love all of you and if you pray...pray for me.