Ok, I told Jess yesterday in the store that I have to start keeping a journal, but I don’t want to jinx myself. But I want my daughter to understand when she starts a family, that some it’s POOF we are pregnant and others, not so much. So here is my journey.
We started trying 3 cycles ago. The first month I just followed my CM (cervical mucus) and did the OPK (ovulation predictor kits) and never could understand if it said I was or not. And this was so confusing. Well I thought maybe we did it because I had EVERY sign I thought proved it and the ones I didn’t think of my pregnant friends let me know that I had those too.HAHA. I was sososososo bloated, my boobies hurt to all high heaven, I had no appetite at night, I was even more bloated, I had heartburn to where I had to carry tums in my purse, I was bloated HAHA!And then I started my spotting on my 28th day. And then not even 24 hours later, it was here. So that month we didn’t get prego.
(btw: I found out last week that I have to take the OPK in the MIDDLE of the day, not the first pee and that’s why I probably had problems reading it)
The next month I went away to Texas for a week right after I was done with my period and we didn’t do nothing but have sex as much as we could when I got home. Didn’t track any cm, no opk, no nothing but sex and we missed like a total of three days. a few days before my period was due my boobs were getting less and less sore so I knew that I probably wasn’t. Then on day 28, BAM started spotting and not even 24 hours later I got the period. So not prego again. But I am happy because my period has been 28 days between spotting and 28 between periods....so I am sososo happy.
Last month I tracked my cm and I started the temperature thing. I have to say, how freaking cool is the temp thing. You take you temp before you move EVERY morning at the same time and you track it.....I decided to do this because I am afraid I have a problem with my lutial phase (2nd half of you your cycle phase).In the first phase, Your temp is lower because your body has the "cool" hormone Estrogen in it. Once you ovulate your temp will shoot up because your body is flooded with a "warm" hormone progesterone and that cause it to stay high you entire lutial phase. If it stays high past your period due...chances of you being prego are VERY HIGH. It actually a certainty except for some rare occurrence. If you’re not prego your temp will drop and bam you will start to bleed the same day or the next day. So I am reading all this information and if I never get pregnant, I have to say that I LOVE learning this about my body and to see how “I" work. So my temps did it. They were low before I ovulated and then shot up and remained very high the whole time. Then on day 10 of high temp something happened.....I went to the bathroom and wiped and there was blood. Bright Pink/Red blood. Once on the tissue and then gone. I called Jess in tears of joy. WE DID IT, WE DID IT!!! I'M PREGO!!! I just got what I think is implantation spotting...and she said. Are your temps high??? and I said yes...omgomgomg we did it. And all day I had the faintest brown spotting which I assumed is normal. Then my boobies felt less and less sore as the day went by. The next morning I took my temp and it was still high. Now I’m very nervous. What if I am prego and I’m gonna loose it? I can’t do that again. I did that almost 10 years ago and I was an asshole. I lost my family and my friends. I went down a VERY destructive path for myself and I just can’t do it again. I cant imagine being such an asshole to Lovey...I cant even talk about it....so I kind hope that I get my "period" I refuse to take a test because if it shows that I am prego and then I get my period, I will be crushed and to me it is better to not know. I wouldn’t be crushed about the baby. I would be scared knowing that sosososo many people that get prego and have miscarriages or abortions being such head cases. It totally messes with you. All the hormones kick your ass and you act out and wanna be MORE strong and MORE independent and in me and several other people I know, they wanted to go out and be single and play and party every night....so that’s what I mean. I can’t do that. I don’t want it. Jess promises that she will lock me up and I love her for that, but it’s a very yucky spot in my heart. I love my life and I don’t want to loose it. Then. the next day I woke up and my temp dropped. and sure enough I started my period within a few hours... how freaking cool is that. It says that my lutial phase was only 11 days so I don’t know if that good, but oh well.
So I'm getting ready for this next month and I’m ready on a message board how a lot of couples use lube because they get so dry having so much sex....and we are one of those. Well we found out that the stuff we use Astro Glide blocks all the sperm. All. um hi. nice. So we got pre-seed lube, it doesn’t block the sperm. It may be the problem, it may not. It takes a lot of people months and years and I am not worried yet. Actually, laugh but I have a list of crap I want every time I get my period.
This month it was:
Bathing suit from target
White strips to whiten my teeth
Go tanning
start to eat healthier to get those extra lbs off that I have gain in the past 3 months- no OJ or lots of carbs
I have to say that I am not sad that we aren’t prego yet because I love my life. I love that it is us. I love that we have our honeymoon time. I love that I went to a sex party and we still play with toys and have a fun relationship. I love that we still have “us” time and not that we don’t have a million people to help us with the kids, but it’s just not the same and so we are in no rush. I used to think because I was sick I had to hurry, but why? I am going to enjoy this time with my husband.
if you made it all the way through this, good for you. If not, its ok it is really for me to track my thoughts about this whole thingy.
Have an amazing new year!!!!
